Loser Du Jour!

If you're the Kansas City Chiefs, then how the fuck do you lose a NFL game 17-10, to a team and quarterback that only had 2 completed passes the entire game?! Well, I don't know about you fuckin pricks, but I'm pretty sure I know the answer! Tis' a sleepy Monday at the Cabin, as Uncle PMAC is coming off a very rough weekend full of good old-fashioned fun! However, I wouldn't be doing my job if I let the Chiefs slide by on this one. How could you lose to Tebow's Broncos, when the virgin quarterback only completes two fuckin throws?! Let's be honest folks, Tebow had more completions against the Chiefs, than the amount of pussies he's seen in his entire life! The guy went 2-8, and Denver had a very balanced attack with 55 runs, and just 8 throws?!?!?! My goodness sakes, I have as many cashews in my beanbag, as passes he connected on yesterday!!!! I'm not pointing any fingers, and there might be jizz coming out of the Cabin chimney, rather than smoke, but still! Let's call a spade a spade, here! Who the fuck does Tebow think he is!?! Russel Fuckin Stover!?! The Chiefs ought to be more embarrassed than the prick from American Pie who has his dad walk in on him banging the fuckin dessert! It's about frost-brewed fuckin time someone ripped the Chiefs for this disgusting performance! If I rooted for a team that lost this kind of game, then I'd pound my prick like it was the fuckin bongo-drums, and call it a fuckin career!

Loser Du Jour!

Good morning on a very brisk Thursday from the TriState! Uncle PMAC has been swamped with paperwork this week, as I've been clipping coupons at the Cabin non-fuckin-stop! However, I'm ready to rock out with my cock out on big fuckin Titty Bar Thursday in early November, while I fire up the old MLB Hot Stove! Lodi Dodi, sayonara Mike Quade, you don't know shit, you don't manage nobody!!! This fuckin loser stinks like yesterday's fish! If you thought Theo Epstein was going to keep this jerkoff around, then you must be about as smart as Lloyd Fuckin Christmas!! Keep on playing Dreamcast and Game Cube, Quade!!! You'll have plenty of time on your hands now! The Cubs went out and stumbled through another disappointing year, finishing fifth in the NL Central with a 71-91 record that extended their infamous World Series championship drought to 103 years. Epstein apparently has zero interest in beloved Cub, Ryne Sandberg, so expect him and Jed Hoyer to search for a guy who isn't too experienced in managing at the Major League level. Names such as Mike Maddux, Dave Martinez, and Dale Sveum seem to be in the mix, as Epstein refuses to hire any manager who might want too much power. The Cubs continue to start fresh, and Mike "Come Take A Ride On My" Quade has been sent packing.

 

Loser Du Jour!

Is it chilly outside or is just me?! Good morning from the Cabin, and sayonara to Terrell "Doodystick" Owens, as the 38-year-old wideout had not one single NFL team-rep show up to his solo workout yesterday at Calabasas High School in California! T.O. had 72 catches for 983 yards receiving, to go along with 9 touchdowns in 2010, despite missing two games, yet nobody wants to fuckin touch this guy! Seriously, folks, you'd think Owens was like one of the monkeys in Outbreak! Where the fuck is Dustin Hoffman when you need him!? Where's Rene Russo and her loose twat?! Enough is enough! This fuckin guy is about as cool as a run-on-sentence! I wouldn't go near this jagoff, and I walk around with a fuckin  flagpole for a prick! Try steering clear of losers with that between your fuckin legs! Uncle PMAC might be a vendor for stainless-steel tampon disposals, but he's also a client! Let's be honest with ourselves, more people watch that prick Jake Steinfeld exercise, than they do T.O.! I have a better chance at posing for Playboy, than this loser does at making a NFL roster!! Get some juice, Owens! Like LaDanian Tomlinson once said, "If you ain't jerkin, you ain't horny!"

Loser Du Jour!

Well, how do I slice this one? If you relinquish your starting QB job to an ex-BYU virgin named John Beck, then you must be nothing but a flat-out fuckin loserface! Rex "I Never Take Showers, So I'm Just" Grossman fits this particular billing, folks. Coach Mike Shannahan has benched the ex-Gator after his incredibly dismal, four-interception performance this past Sunday versus the struggling Eagles. For those keeping score at home, here's a list of the quarterbacks that have started for Washington since Dan Snyder took over as owner: Brad Johnson, Jeff George, Tony Banks, Shane Matthews, Patrick Ramsey, Danny Wuerffel, Tim Hasselbeck, Mark Brunell, Jason Campbell, Todd Collins, Donovan McNabb, Rex Grossman, and now John Beck!!! I'd punch myself right in the face after reading that fuckin list of gems!!! Imagine hanging out at a party with all those guys? I'd rather be stuck in fuckin traffic! I rather hang out in a fuckin shark tank for goodness sakes! Hang your fuckin Mitre's up, Rex! Losers exit stage left!!!!!!! Do us all a favor and fuck off!

Loser Du Jour!

I don't even know where to begin on this one, folks, but in the category of you simply can't make this shit up, Brandon "Loser Du Life" Marshall, strikes again!!! Here's what this fuckin gem had to say about his upcoming game against the Jets,"My goal is to get thrown out midway through the second quarter, I'm serious," Marshall said. "They want to fine me, it'll probably be like a $50,000 fine. But I'm going to play. That quarter and half I'm out there, I'm going to play like a monster. I'm going to play with a lot of emotion, a lot of passion. I'm going to be that Monster. Not the Beast. The Monster."

Is this fuckin guy serious?!?!?! Honestly? I'm not really sure if Marshall is a loser for spewing this trash! I almost think he should be applauded for being such a prick!!! Is this ok? Is this history being made right now at Prick Cabin?! A mid-Loser Du Jour change of heart from Uncle PMAC!?!?! Apparently the enigmatic wideout is extremely fired up for Monday night's contest against Gang Green at Metlife Stadium in East Rutherford, NJ! What the fuck is Marshall thinking, though!? The guy doesn't even want to play a full half!!! Where does he have to be?! Golden Fuckin Corral?!?! Applebee's!?! Jos. A. Bank!?!  "I don't care if I have two, three cameras on me. I don't care if I have penalties," Marshall says! Unbelievable! Who took the stuffing out of his fuckin Bell & Evan's?! Who knows? Maybe Marshall thinks his coach is Tony Soprano, and not Tony Sparano!?!?! Wake up and smell the Swiss Miss, Brandon!!! You play for pay, loser!!!!!

Loser Du Jour!

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Loser Du Jour!

Good morning on another soggy Thursday in the TriState, and sayonara to the overrated Boston Red Sox!!! There will be no October baseball for the liberals from Provincetown, as Boston held a nine-game lead in the AL wild-card race after Sept. 3, but a 7-19 September swoon left them tied with Tampa Bay entering the final day of the regular season. Boston's 7-20 record for the month is its worst September since an identical mark in 1952!!! What a Wild Card Wednesday, folks!!!!! Who's the manager of the Red Sox these days? Anderson Fuckin Cooper!?! Uncle PMAC invited over all his cronies last night for a Playoff Party and Jonathan PapelBUM wasn't invited!!!!! If there is one guy Prick Cabin loves to see blow a game, then it is hands-down Papelprick! Everyone was all over Beantown's stick prior to the start of the season, and as a man of integrity, I must admit that I predicted the Red Sox to win the AL pennant right here in this very Cabin. Well guess what, geniuses? I'm giving myself a free fuckin pass on that one! No city thinks they own the world of sports more than Boston does, and they got what they deserved!!! Once a loser, always a loser!!!!! Now SIT!!!!! I rather play paddycake with Shredder, than root for these fucks!

 

 

Loser Du Jour!

Hey, even a broken fuckin clock is right two times a day, but the stunt Floyd "Money" Mayweather pulled two nights ago in his title fight against "Vicious" Victor Ortiz, was enough to make that cocksucker Chuck Norris blush! For those of you didn't waste $60 on this debacle Saturday night, congratulations, because this was a completely dispicable outcome. I thought you'd see a picture of my face next to the word Prick in Webster's cocksuckin dictionary, but I could be replaced by the enigmatic Mayweather, who essentially sucker-punched Ortiz this past weekend, and knocked the wannabe Jayhawk on his fuckin fanny! Seriously, though? Who does Ortiz think he is? Bill "Go Fuck Your" Self??!! Perhaps both of these boxers should share the Loser Du Jour, because Floyd's dirty actions were a result of Ortiz delivering a blatantly aggressive head-butt that connected with Mayweather's face, just moments before Floyd would wind up knocking his lights out. Uncle PMAC might be a lot of things, folks, but one thing I'm not is a conspiracy theorist. I enjoy giving athletes the benefit of the doubt, and I hate to speculate, but this was an incredibly strange match right down to the post-fight interview in the ring between the fighters and HBO's Larry Merchant. Something about this whole match just doesn't sit well in the bottom of my tummy, and that's why I fired my dentist, and hired Cheech and Chong for all my dental work! Loser Central at the MGM Grand....

Loser Du Jour!

Just when you thought you had heard the last of this loser, he crawls out from underneath a rock down in Weston, Florida. Manny "I Refuse To Shower" Ramirez was arrested and charged with battery Monday after a domestic dispute at his South Florida home, police said. Apparently Manny pushed his wife, and she fell right into the headboard of their twin-size water bed! What the fuck is this fuckin loser thinking?! If I were Manny, I'd attach a chip-clip to my cock, and not take it off until 2012! Think about all the juice this guy has done! His prick is probably as stiff as a fuckin Slinky these days! I'm not kidding, folks! How many fuckin chicken biscuits can this creep eat for breakfast?! Who the fuck does Manny think he is?! Nucky Fuckin Thompson!?! My goodness gracious, you don't need a gynecologist to figure out which way the wind blows, Manny!!! Get a fuckin life, loserface! How many fuckin times can this guy watch Welcome To Mooseport!?! Manny Ramirez has about as good a chance of going to Cooperstown, as Michelle Wie has a chance at playing a round at Augusta Fuckin National! Sit, loser, sit!!!

Loser Du Jour!

I might need to retire, folks, because I just can't take this crap anymore. In the category of you can't make this fuckin shit up, American sprinter, Justin Gatlin, arrived at the world championships in South Korea with frostbite on both feet. What is this loser fuckin thinking about? The 2004 Olympic champion, who last year made his return to competition after serving a four-year doping ban, told the Associated Press Wednesday he got frostbite about two weeks ago after going into a cryogenic chamber with wet socks! Luckily, this prick didn't lose any toes and he'll still run in Daegu, but his wounds are not completely healed.

"You wake up at 9 o'clock in the morning in Orlando and it's already 90 degrees," said the 29-year-old Gatlin, who lives and trains in Florida. "So we're already hot, drenched with sweat. Get in the booth, socks were wet, socks froze to me instantly."

Thanks, genius!!! Who the fuck does this guy think he is?! Austin Fuckin Powers!?!?! Dr. Fuckin Evil!?! Hey, Justin, why don't you do us all a favor and freeze your fuckin babydick, so you don't make this same mistake again, you no-good loser, you! I rather have a threesome with Rocky & Fuckin Bullwinkle, than pull a stunt as stupid as this! So what exactly is it that you do, Uncle PMAC!?! That's my fuckin business!!!!! I'll rip Gatlin's fuckin toes off and sell them on the Home Shopping Network! I don't give a fuck, you can call me the cocksuckin chicken-teriyaki boy for all I care! I wear a nametag at work, and it says SUCK ME OFF! I yelled, "Get a room, you perverts!," out my suv window the other day at a random couple making out on a park bench! I don't care, folks! I might be a bigger loser than Justin Gatlin! When I see kids on skateboards, I yell out the window at them also! I simply say, "Go play sports, you losers!"

Loser Du Jour!

They are partying on the North Side of Chicago right now, because the Cubs have finally put the kibosh on Jim "I'm The Absolute Worst Cocksucker There Is, Don't Make Me Tell You Twice" Hendry!!!!! Woah! Sayonara, Jimmy, you no-good fuckin loser, you!!! I rather bank with Bernie Madoff, than have you run my team! I'm not kidding! I would rather stick my prick in a bucket of hot tar, than have to look at your ugly mug one more fuckin day! How many more awful contracts could this cocksucker hand out!?! If I didn't know any better, then I'd think Hendry and Brian Cashman came out of the same fuckin vagina! The Chicago Cubs are a flagship franchise of Major League Baseball, and the fans deserve a whole heckuva a lot better than Jimmy Jerkoff! Yup! I said it! Imagine being Hendry's friend growin up?

"Hey, mom, can Jimmy Jerkoff sleep over tonight?"

"No, son! Are you fuckin insane!? Now go to your room, and stick that Sega-Genesis controller up your dickhole, or else you're grounded for a fuckin decade!"

Hendry probably didn't even have a fuckin sleeping bag! Suck my delectable dick, you fuckin doofus! Wow! Has it been a long nine years or what with this fuckin guy?! The 56-year-old disgrace was hired back in July of 2002, and he hasn't accomplished shit throughout his tenure in Wrigleyville. The Korbel is flowing out of the windows at Slugger's, so get down near the park, and enjoy the celebration! Vienna Beef's on Uncle PMAC all day long!!!!! What a scene, as fans are throwing bags of shit out on to Sheffield Avenue, while Hendry is trying to dodge them left and right! Don't let the crap hit you on the way out, pal!!!!! Good fuckin riddens!

Loser Du Jour!

Sign that scorecard, Tiger!!! Who's ready for this fuckin number?! Tiger "The Classy Horndog" Woods is in the clubhouse with a +7, 77! Unbelievable, folks! The 77 is Tiger's worst round EVER at the PGA Championship. So how far off the lead is this prick? Try 14 strokes, as Steve Stricker sits atop the leaderboard at -7. "I'm not down," Woods growled."I'm really horny right now." Horny?! What the fuck is this guy's problem? Can't he go a few hours without pulling his pork? Tiger was in the bunkers so much today, you would've thought he was at the fuckin beach! I hope he put SPF 50 on his junk, or he'll have more trouble walking 18 tomorrow, than Casey Fuckin Martin! Later, Loser!!!

Loser Du Jour!

If you can find me a bigger fuckin loser than Alex Rodriguez, than I have a fuckin air-conditioned Cabin to sell you! When will this fuckin cocksucker figure it out? Seriously, the guy sticks a fuckin plunger up his ass, and he thinks he has a royal fuckin flush!!! Who the fuck would want to play poker with A-Rod anyway?! I rather wash my balls with Castrol GTX, and eat jambalaya out of Oprah Winfrey's fat fuckin ass, than play Go Fish with this fuckin jerkoff! I rather tie a parachute to my prick, and toss it off the Empire Fuckin State Building, than play cards with this overrated, cocksuckin cheater!!!! Actors Leonardo DiCaprio, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon also participated in the games, according to reports. Unbelievable! Rodriguez thinks just because he's plowing the Bad Teacher, he can rub elbows with whoever he wants?! I don't know what to say, maybe I'm getting worked up over this because I'm the kind of guy who gives bunny-ears to himself whenever someone takes a picture of me! Big fuckin deal, who gives a fuck!?! The 36-year-old Rodriguez needs to know better, folks. The guy is a fuckin magnet for negative attention, and he seems to love every fuckin minute of it!!! When does it end? Enough's enough!!! I want this loser out of here!!!! Suspended, Bud Selig?!?!?! KICK HIM OFF THE TOUR!!!!!

Loser Du Jour!

I truly believe that America would have a hard-pressed time trying to find a bigger loser than Marion "I Don't Have A Vagina" Jones! The disgraced ex-olympian, and former gold medal-winner, was cut last night by the WNBA's 1-14 Tulsa Shock! Wow!!!!! I didn't even know they waived players in the WNBA! I thought they just send you back to the locker room to suck on used tampons! I wipe my fuckin tush with sanitary napkins! I bet the fat bitch from Hairspray could even stay on that fuckin roster! Jones was averaging less than a point per game, folks!!! Unbelievable! I've had it with this liar! Who even cares about this fuckin phony anymore, anyway? Honestly? I'd send this dyke right back to prison, if it were up to me! Sit in your fuckin cell, and think about how poorly you played, Marion! Stop telling us you "fulfilled a dream," when the only reason you tried to play basketball was because you were blackballed from sprinting! I don't think I'd even hire this loser to be my live-in maid! I can't trust Jones to scrub the Cabin toilets, and wipe down the fuckin microwave! I would be setting myself up for failure! If you want something done right, then you have to do it yourself! Don't leave it up to some carpet-muching loser!!! Sayonara, you stale slice of pumpernickel!!! Now someone find me my fuckin boogie-board, before I flip the fuck out!!!!! I have to snap that velcro strap around my prick! High fuckin tide has almost arrived!

Loser Du Jour!

He's baaacckkk!!! Cedric Benson was arrested again this past weekend in downtown Austin,Texas, and was released from jail yesterday just after 2PM! Dickbreath Benson has been charged with assault, and he better hope James Harrison's comments struck the NFL commissioner where the sun doesn't shine, or else! Now, I may look like the caucasion version of the Nutty Fuckin Professor this week, but I know a loser when I see one, and Benson is near the top of that fuckin list! What kind of jerkoff decides to go nuts just days before the NFL lockout is supposed to come to a close?! This fuckin guy has the brain of a Stegosaurus for Christ sakes! The 28-year-old runningback will most likely find himself searching pretty hard for a job this upcoming season, despite rushing for 1,111 yards last year on a 4-12 Bengals team. Prick Cabin guarantees Benson will be suspended since Roger Goodell already gave this fuckin prick a free pass last year in another assault case, where he punched out a bar employee! I don't get it, every time Cedric goes back to his old stomping grounds, he ends up finding himself behind bars!!! Who does this fuckin guy think he is?! Kevin Arnold?! Get a fuckin clue, Cedric! Hook this, you loser!

Loser Du Jour!

The Minnesota Timberwolves finally canned head coach, Kurt "The Carwash Cunt" Rambis, after an impressive two seasons in Minneapolis! Rambis led the T'Wolves to a 32-132 record over the last two years, and that's extremely hard to do!!! 100 games under .500 in two seasons!!!!! Who taught this prick how to coach?! Rich Kotite or Zeke Thomas!? Let's be honest here, folks, it's not like Minnesota was relying on fuckin Air Bud to score all the points! The Timberwolves have a few nice young pieces, and they also have one of the best pot-smokers in all of professional sports when it comes to Michael "My Middle Name Is Grass" Beasley! Perhaps Loserface Rambis should look into the head coaching job for the Minnesota Lynx instead?! Then again, who knows if the WNBA would even want this cocksucker?! If this shriveled prick gets another head coaching job in the NBA, then I'll change the name of this fuckin blog to Vagina Cabin! What the fuck took David Kahn so long to fire this fuckin genius?! Happy fuckin trails, loserbreath!

Loser Du Jour!

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Loser Du Jour!

Three-time Wimbledon runner-up, Andy "I'm Nothing Short Of A Loser" Roddick, has been eliminated in the third round, across the pond, in straight fuckin sets!!! This poor excuse for an American tennis player was dominated today by 44th-ranked Feliciano Lopez, 7-6 (2), 7-6 (2), 6-4! Thanks for coming out, Andy!!! Early onions for you and Brooklyn Decker all night long like Lionel Fuckin Richie!!! Lopez drilled 28 aces into Roddick's crotch, and slammed 57 winners right up his loose fuckin ass! Take that, Andy! Prick Cabin is hosting a tennis tournament all weekend as well, and I have a feeling things are going to get extremely raunchy. Uncle PMAC plans on getting a few ice luges, about 50 kegs of Bud Ice, and tons of grass-brownies! I'm not kidding folks, I'll have a fuckin threesome with Betty "The Cunt" Crocker, and her slutty friend, Little Debbie! I'll bend them both over the hammock, and alternate snatches until my fuckin cock falls off! I want to play some doubles! Let's go! My courts are made out of the finest grass anyone could buy! Enough is enough! I'm tired of playing ping-pong! I'm through with engaging in a drawn-out game of Marco Polo with my own dick! Call your friends! Let them all know the Cabin is the place to be for a fun-filled weekend of athletics and leisure! Hookers and Zimas all around! Free fannypacks at the door! See you there!

Loser Du Jour!

Stay hot, Florida Marlins!!! These losers recently hired 80-year-old, Jack McKeon, to manage their team, and they have gone an absolutely putrid 1-19 in the month of June. This is one fish sandwich you don't want to fuck, folks! I hope McKeon is wearing a diaper in the dugout, because it's going to be awfully hard for him to make it to the bathroom in between innings! The guy is 80 years old dressing up in full uniform every fuckin day now!!! Filling out lineup cards! Walking up steps!!!!! So what does Trader Jack do? He benches the laziest prick of them all in his first fuckin game back as the skipper - Hanley Ramirez! The Marlins can't buy a win this month, but what do you expect when your payroll is smaller than Stewie Griffin's dick!?! Where the fuck are the fans!?! Unbelievable! I swear LeFag James and the loser Heat must be contagious! The Marlins are like a cocksuckin scene out of the movie Outbreak! Where's Morgan Freeman, Dustin Hoffman, and Rene Russo when you need them!?! What a bunch of fuckin bologna! I'd stick one of those little monkeys down my swim trunks and call it a fuckin fairytale! Have some guts, Marlins! Wake the fuck up, you cocksuckin jerkoffs!

Loser Du Jour!

Who didn't see this one coming? Seriously? If you couldn't tell this was bound to happen from a mile a fuckin way, then you must be a fuckin virgin still! Cops in Irving, Texas received a call last night explaining to them that 'some drunk guy was wandering around' an apartment complex. Well, folks, this 'drunk guy' was none other than DeShawn Stevenson of the newly-crowned NBA champion - Dallas Mavericks!!! Keep the party going, DeShawn! Unbelievable!?! What's this fuckin guy doing wandering around like he's Where's Fuckin Waldo?! I guess the loud-mouth shooting guard was a "danger to himself and others," according to law-enforcement officials, and he was placed under arrest for Public Intoxication! Have another Smirnoff Ice, DeShawn! You deserve it! Stevenson went on to fail a field-sobriety test, and was released this morning on $475 bail. The best thing about this, is that this loser didn't even live in the aparment complex he was creeping around at, while simply telling the police he was, "lost!" Thanks, pal, now take a fuckin seat in detention, and don't say a peep until Professor PMAC says so! We call this place - LOSERVILLE!