Gators' Janoris Jenkins Arrested....Again!

Florida cornerback Janoris Jenkins has been arrested for the second time in the past twenty months on a grass charge! Unbelievable! This guy might as well get a fuckin apron tattooed on his chest, because he's always fuckin baked!! Mel "Fuck Pepsi Max I Like Coke" Kiper Jr. hasn't slept in months, but he also had Jenkins being a top-15 pick in the 2011 NFL Draft, until the troublemaker vowed to return for his senior year in Gainesville. I guess we'll have to see how new head coach Will Muschamp handles this situation. In the meantime, Prick Cabin has a couple suggestions for Chef Jenkins. Perhaps he should leave the Gators to star on his very own television program. How about MTV's True Life: "I'm A Loser And A Prick!" Bingo fuckin bango, I'll jam the ticket machine, and fuck Fandango!!! I smell an Emmy, and it smells like the clam on Skins! Apparently Jenkins was caught rolling a "marijuana cigarette" ala Greg Focker in a public bathroom! Atta boy, Janoris! You gotta do what you gotta do, right? What about a sports/sex show on Cinemax? You'd be a great host, pal! Baked goods and blowjobs while you crack jokes at the dais! Where's Linda Cohn when you need her?!?!?!

Cam Newton Turns Pro!

War Cam Eagle is taking his act to Sunday afternoons, as the Heisman Trophy Winner has decided to dip his noodle in the NFL. This is a no-fuckin-brainer for Newton!!! The guy has probably banged the entire Auburn campus! Even the professors! Woahhh! What a fuckin sicko!!! Perhaps Cam Newton should give our old friend Akili Smith a call? We all remember how his career turned out, right? Hey, Cam, the CFL called....They want their MVP back! Newton is a NFL project, and who knows if he'll even wind up playing quarterback in the future? Regardless, I still think he's worth a 1st or 2nd round pick. Then again, what the fuck do I know? My new nickname is Dixie Normous!!!!

Charlie "Fat Fupa" Weis Heading To The Swamp?

Reports out of Gainesville, are that Charlie "Fat Fupa" Weis has been offered the offensive coordinator job at Florida. This would be an interesting hire, if you ask me. Will Muschamp should probably think this over, as he tries to get his staff together, because Weis's fuckin fupa is the only thing bigger than his ego! When was the last time Charlie even saw his prick? Does he even have one? Talk about a fuckin loser, huh? Why the fuck would this fat prick leave the NFL in order to take the same lame coordinator position, but at the college level? I'm seriously shocked by this, and I don't have any clue why Muschamp would want this jerkoff looming over his shoulder all the time. Charlie Weis doesn't deserve to coach in the SEC, and he definitely doesn't belong in the swamp. All Weis has is swamp-fuckin-ass! When was the last time you changed your diaper, Charlie? I can smell your stink from here!

Gruden To Meet With Miami Today!

Sources have confirmed that Jon "Chuckie" Gruden will be meeting with the 'U' today, to discuss the open head-coaching position. The feeling I have in my prick tells me that Gruden is going to accept the job offer. I don't know why, but I'm almost positive this will happen. Then again, what the fuck do I know? My mouth is fuckin filthy, and I have a piss-poor attitude. What else do you expect when you fall asleep to the Sopranos every fuckin night? I go to sleep to a lullabye of fuck this, fuck that, cunt this, cunt that! Cut me some fuckin slack! It's All About The U....