Say What?

"The ACC, namely certain basketball coaches, did not like the amount of exposure Big East basketball was getting nationally and the amount of tournament teams selected the past couple of seasons. Pitt and Syracuse have laid off more football staff coaches than Bank of America did with its employees last week." - Rick Pitino*

Atta boy, Rick! You're the Table-Top Tushy Man! Show these cocksuckers who the fuckin boss is! Leave the pricks, and take the twats! Last time I checked, Jimmy Boeheim wasn't getting laid at restaurants, and Jamie Dixon is more of a virgin than Jimmer Fuckin Fredette!

Quote Of The Day!

"He's got to change, he's got to learn to become a complete player. For any freshman coming in, there's a huge difference in playing with older guys, more physical. It's a whole different thing." - Mike Krzyzewski*

Coach K better hope Austin Rivers isn't the loser his brother Jeremiah turned out to be, or else Duke will be in big trouble with the amount of production they lost to the NBA, following this past season.

Say What?

"I do think that I'm going to have the opportunity to coach again. I've got to wait and see what the Committee on Infractions, what they say ... how quickly will they allow me to come back into coaching. That's going to go a long way [toward] whether or not I do coach again." - Bruce Pearl*

Perhaps Michael Beasley gave some of his baked goods to Bruce Pearl, because this prick is crazy if he thinks any big time program is going to hire him as their head hoops coach, unless he accepts to take a salary of a fuckin penny. You can't lie to the NCAA, Bruce! You lie to women, children, and losers, but not to the committee! Grow up! This makes me sick! Absolutely sick to my fuckin stomach! I'll be jizzing out Pepto-Bismol for the next fuckin month! Get a clue, pal!

Maryland's Gary Williams Retires*

Prick Cabin would like to quickly salute Maryland Terps hoops coach, Gary "I'm Sweating My Sack Off" Williams, on a brilliant 33-year coaching career. Williams led the Terps to the 2002 National Championship with help from Juan "Has Anyone Seen My" Dixon, and men like Lonnie Baxter! What a team! Williams took over the Maryland job in 1989, and led them to countless NCAA tourney appearances, with one National Title during his 22-year tenure. The irascible head coach has 654 career victories. On another note, I plan on making like that prick Toucan Sam while on my lunch break, when I rinse my beanbag in the fuckin birdbath outside the office! How do you like this, boss?!?!?! Early onions! Sionara, Gary Williams! Somewhere Scott Van Pelt is crying his eyes out...

UConn Captures 3rd National Title Over Brutal Bulldogs!

Michael Vick wanted nothing to do with this lousy fuckin dogfight, folks!!! Wow! Jim Calhoun won his third National Title last night, as the UConn Huskies defeated the Butler Bulldogs 53-41, in quite possibly the ugliest, and most unwatchable National Title game in NCAA Men's Basketball history. Butler shot an absolutely unfathomable 18% from the field for the entire game!!! You read it right, folks, 18%!!! Stevie Fuckin Wonder can shoot 18 fuckin percent! Frankenstein can score more than those fuckin losers!Seriously, just take a look at the piggie all the way on the left watching last night at Hinkle Fieldhouse! Even she's better looking than the fuckin Bulldog offense! Hey, Butler! Habitat For Humanity called, they want their fuckin bricklayers back!!! Oh my goodness gracious! How in the hell was Butler winning this game at the half when they shot 22%?!?! The Bulldogs easily set the record for the worst offensive performance in NCAA Championship history, folks!!! I know one fuckin thing, it's hard to cover 3.5 points when you go 12/64 from the field!!!! Don't be shocked when the Lady Irish from Notre Dame and the Lady Aggies from Texas A & M outscore the men tonight!!! This was surreal to watch a team play this badly, but at the same time I guess you must give credit to UConn for playing better than their opponent did. Like I said before, you heard it here first at Prick Cabin back on March 10th, when PMAC proclaimed UConn was going all the way!!!! Similar to this year's Green Bay Packers, the Huskies simply had that look, and that's all I needed to see in order to make such a bold prediction. The UConn Huskies are National Champions...

Shaka You, N.C. State!

I might as well call myself PUKEMAC if I left my good gig at VCU, to leave for those underachieving losers at N.C. State! Well, folks, that is exactly what Shaka Smart thought as well, as the 34-year-old coach turned down the Wolfpack today, and elected to remain at VCU, where he led the school to their first ever Final Four this year. As a matter of fact, VCU has given Shaka a 10-year extension, while his team became only the third #11-seed of all time to ever reach the national semifinals. I support Shaka's smart decision, because why would he leave his situation in Richmond, unless it's for one of his absolute dream jobs? You show me a guy who leaves his job at Barnes & Nobles for Borders, and I'll show you a complete fuckin asshole! On a side note, Prick Cabin will be donating 1,000 magnum condoms for every three-pointer the Rams make next season!!!

Butler Vs. UConn NCAA Championship Game Tonight!

And then there were two...Brad Stevens and his Butler Bulldogs are back in the NCAA Championship game for the second consecutive year, and they will take on Jim Calhoun's Connecticut Huskies for the 2011 crown tonight in Houston. Prick Cabin predicted Kemba and the Huskies would win it all following their March 10th victory over the Pitt Panthers, and I'm sticking to it! The combination of Walker and Jeremy Lamb has become unstoppable in crunchtime, and I dont see that changing this evening. Sure, Shelvin Mack and Matt Howard are likeable losers, but the Bulldogs simply won't be able to close UConn out in the final minutes.  Butler has solid experience, but the Huskies have Kemba Walker, and that's all they need. UConn is an astounding 14-0 in tournament play this year, as they have yet to lose on a neutral site all season long. The game is set to tip at 9:23 Eastern, and while Jim Calhoun and the Huskies will win their 3rd National Title, I believe Butler (+3.5)  is the pick! Lock it the fuck up, and enjoy what should be an epic championship game! Break out the pigs in a blanket, bitch! I'm going to give you a taste of mustard you'll never fuckin forget!

Loser Du Jour!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Kentucky Punches Ticket To Houston!

Coach Calipari's Cats are on their way to the Houston, and they plan on making plenty of fuckin noise this week! Kentucky wore down the Tar Heels, 76-69, and Calipari will now bring his third different program to the Final Four. Terrence Jones teeth might make the sun jealous, but he sure can play! UConn and Kentucky are set to dance, and Prick Cabin will be sure to supply the pick! I'll bang a bowl of Raisen Bran if I get it wrong, and then I'll wipe my fanny with your fuckin diary! In the words of the great Gus Johnson, "This is March Madness!!!!"

VCU Upsets Kansas!

Is this serious, folks? If you had Butler and VCU heading to Houston, then you might as well spank the Premio in your pants until the cocksuckin cows come home! What in the hell is going on out there!?!?! Shaka Smart and Brad Stevens are both virgins! Seriously, these fuckin pricks aren't even allowed to get into bars! Rock Choke Jayhawks once again! Kansas continues to disappoint come tourney time, as they've now lost to Northern Illinois and VCU in back to back years, while being a #1 seed. Perhaps Bill "I Fuck My" Self ought to take a look in the mirror, and figure out if he was a pecker or a fuckin clam between his legs! They are partying in Richmond, and VCU is going to the Final Four! Absolutely amazing! Who could have ever seen this coming? Butler Vs. VCU? No thanks, I'll pass and watch Alaska State Troopers instead! The Rams are cutting down the nets in San Antonio!!! Someone get Shaka Smart a decaf!

Friday Night Sweet 16 Locks!

Who's ready to go 4-0 over the course of two Sweet 16 nights?! I know I am! I'll tell a girl scout to jam a Tagalong up her twat, and call it a career! Seriously? Who the fuck fuckin cares about girl and boy scouts? If I ever had a kid, and he or she wanted to get involved in that crap, then I'd just kick the loser right outta the fuckin Cabin! CYA! I love VCU (+4) Vs. Florida State tonight, and I'll also lock up the North Carolina Tar Heels (-4.5) Vs. Marquette! Lock it the fuck up, and enjoy your Friday evening, folks!

Thursday Night Sweet 16 Locks!

I have a Sweet 16 Double Play, and I guarantee success on a juicy Thursday night! I love Butler (+5) Vs. Wisconsin, and you can also wrap up the Florida Gators (-3) Vs. the Mormons from BYU! Lock it up, folks!!! This is like taking XXX magazines from a fuckin adolescent! You can't lose!!!

The Dance Invitations!

Clemson? UAB? Penn State? Michigan State? VCU? Who are these losers!?!?! Enough is enough! What about Colorado and Alabama! Who do these pricks think they are? Unbelievable! I guess Prick Cabin can only be grateful this tournament is 68 teams and not 96, because other than that, the committee did an extremely poor job awarding the proper teams with an invite to the Dance. There are five teams with 14 losses, for Christ's sake! That being said, who the fuck does Jay Bilas think he is? Seriously, this guy thinks he's the authority on college hoops! Please, Jay, spare us your prick and pony show! We get it, pal! You're nothing but a Mel Kiper Jr. wannabe!!!

Prick Cabin would like to strongly recommend that everyone tune into ESPN at 9PM this evening to see their newest 30 For 30 - The Fab 5. This is going to be good, so kick back, dip your dick in some Swiss Miss, and ask your gal pal if you can eat the marshmallows out of her fanny! The blanket show can't come on soon enough!

Kemba Walker Leads UConn Past Pitt!

I guess I'm wearing egg on my face for the third day in a fuckin row, because that cocksucker Kemba Walker continues to carry this young Husky team on his shoulders. Walker scored 28 points against Georgetown yesterday, and led the way once again today with 24 points, 5 assists, and 5 rebounds, as the Huskies will now play in the Semifinals tomorrow night against the winner of St. John's - Syracuse. Well, folks. I can promise you this will not happen again, because I am now on the UConn bandwagon!!! I have my Husky pom-poms out, and I'm ready to rock! The Huskies will win in a LANDSLIDE tomorrow, and then they will be raising the trophy come Saturday night! If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Pitt showed you exactly what they will do in the NCAA Tournament, which is what they do every year - lose early. Has there ever been a worse postseason program than the Panthers? Seriously? They have great regular seasons, and then go out like a bunch of pussies come tourney time! Either way, I don't care if UConn is +20 or -20, they will win, and they will cover. I don't care who they play! St. John's, Syracuse, Louisville, or Cincy - UConn is going all the way, and Prick Cabin is on board! Choo-Choooooooooooo!!! Come on ride the PRICK! You can ride it!! CHOOOO-CHOOOOOOOO! Come on ride the PRICK, you can ride it, CHOOO-CHOOOOOOOO!!!

The Cabin Madness Continues!!!

I'd like to apologize on this dreary March morning for my last two college hoops picks of Depaul and Georgetown. What can I say, folks? I like my pussy the way I like my cereal - soggy! I feel terrible about picking against the UConn Huskies the past two days, and coming up empty each time. Quite frankly, it's embarrassing, and that's why I'm wearing nothing but a Speedo at my office today. I'm not kidding, folks. What the fuck do I care? If I see the tubby secretary, then I'll probably shove a sausage, egg, and cheese down here fat fuckin trap! Seriously, this bitch is so stale, she makes Pandora's box smell good! Prick Cabin is about accountability, so I plan on reversing the course today, and it starts at noon once again with guess fuckin who?!?! Bingo! The mighty UConn Huskies will take on the Pitt Panthers in the first game of the Big East Quarterfinals today at Madison Square Garden, and as long as Jim Burr and Tim Higgins aren't there to fuck things up, then Pitt will take care of business. I promise, and if I'm wrong, then I will never say the f-word again for the rest of my life. UConn has beat up on the worst team in the Big East, and a Georgetown squad, that is a shell of themselves without Chris Wright. I'm not a fan of the Pitt Panthers, but they are definitely a step up in class from those two losers, and I don't think UConn will have the gas in the second half to keep up with them. Therefore, Pitt (-4.5) Is The Prick!

Lunchtime College Hoops Lock!

Alright, geniuses, I'm here to make up for yesterday's Depaul loss, and I plan on WINNING! The Big East tournament continues at noon today with UConn taking on Georgetown! The Hoyas are getting three against the overrated Huskies, and I expect them to get the job done! Lock up Georgetown (+3), and call it a day! Kick your feet up on your desk, and jizz all over the bulletin board, because this pick is a bonafide winner! I guarantee it, folks! I got this pick straight from FAO Fuckin Schwarz! What do I know, though? I'm the kind of guy who picks up every penny he sees, because I love using change. As a matter of fact, I make sure I get rid of the dirtier pennies first before the shiny ones! Lock it up!!! Hoyas to the bank!

Big East Tournament Mid-Day Juice!

The Big East Tournament tips off today at noon in the World's Most Famous Arena, as the UConn Huskies are set to take on the dreadful Depaul Blue Demons! Who wants some afternoon action?!?! I know I do! The Huskies have been struggling for over a month now, and I smell a hungry Depaul team looking to surprise the masses at Madison Square Garden today! Let's get the madness started with an upset special!!! Depaul (+15.5) Is The Prick!

Kansas The New #1 In The Country!

The 24-1 Kansas Jayhawks are the new #1 team in the nation! Bill "Go Fuck Your" Self's talented squad takes on their in-state rivals, Kansas State, tonight in Manhattan! Frank Martin's men should be ready to rock, since they've all gotten Doris "The Clitoris" Burke Fatheads placed in their dorm rooms!! These guys must be ready to vomit all over the fuckin hardwood!!! I'm beyond sick and fuckin tired of hearing Doris's disgusting voice every week!!! Enough is enough! Get a fuckin clue, ESPN! Not even Lassie would fuck Doris! She's as stale as the bread from fuckin Arby's! The only guys Clitoris Burke is banging today are those cocksuckers Ben and fuckin Jerry!!!! I hear Chunky Monkey can fuck like a champ! Have another fuckin Yoo-hoo, Doris!!! Zip your fuckin lips! And I mean all of them!!!! I'll be at Sephora banging every bitch I see!!! Pussy perfume fills the Cabin air!!!!

#1 Ohio State Upset In Madison!

Sit, Sullinger, sit!!!! The Wisconsin Badgers beat the previously unbeaten Ohio State Fuckeyes today, 71-67! There will be a new number one come Monday morning, and that team will most likely be the Kansas Jayhawks. I'm sorry, folks, but I don't think Ohio State is a truly dominant team. Sure they have Lighty and Sullinger, but other than those queers, they lack in the athleticism department. Seriously, these guys are just a bunch of losers, and there's no other way I know how to describe them. I guaranfuckintee Ohio State will not make the Sweet 16 this year! Put a fuckin prick stamp on it, and take it to the cocksuckin post office! While you're there, can you pick up my mail? I'm expecting some dirty magazines, dirty dvd's, and the Prick Cabin cable bill! I invited some sluts over this morning to help me install a satellite dish on the roof, and these piggies decided to sit on the thing instead! No wonder why I'm getting such fuckin poor reception! The dish is soaked in clam juice! Big Ten basketball is about as exciting as public access television! When is enough, enough? I rather suck off Scoobie Fuckin Doo, than sit through another Wisconsin-Ohio State hoops game! Fuckin clowns! Neither one of them will make it out of the second round! You heard it here first, pricks! When I'm out in Vegas for March Madness, I plan on spitting up Fat Tire on every Big Ten fan I see! I'll have to wear a bib around the fuckin casino! Do you want to see Legends and Leaders? I have plenty in my fuckin pants! Sionara, Buckeyes!

Wednesday Night College Hoops Juice!

I'm going to keep this short and fuckin sweet, pricks. I absolutely fuckin love three games on the college slate tonight. Now, I know I've been colder than Sarah Palin's vagina after a day of ice-fishing, but I promise to deliver nothing less than perfection. The trifecta lock is as follows: Syracuse (+4) at Uconn, Memphis (-7) vs. Tulsa, and Rutgers (+9.5) at St. John's. I guaranfuckintee Syracuse, Memphis, & Rutgers all cover tonight, and if I'm wrong then I'll jerk off to Shrek for the rest of my life. I'm not kidding, I'll wack it to that fuckin creep for as long as I live, if I don't sweep tonight's dockett. I'll move out of Prick Cabin, and into the Keebler Elf's studio! Lock It The Fuck Up!!!!