Maryland's Gary Williams Retires*

Prick Cabin would like to quickly salute Maryland Terps hoops coach, Gary "I'm Sweating My Sack Off" Williams, on a brilliant 33-year coaching career. Williams led the Terps to the 2002 National Championship with help from Juan "Has Anyone Seen My" Dixon, and men like Lonnie Baxter! What a team! Williams took over the Maryland job in 1989, and led them to countless NCAA tourney appearances, with one National Title during his 22-year tenure. The irascible head coach has 654 career victories. On another note, I plan on making like that prick Toucan Sam while on my lunch break, when I rinse my beanbag in the fuckin birdbath outside the office! How do you like this, boss?!?!?! Early onions! Sionara, Gary Williams! Somewhere Scott Van Pelt is crying his eyes out...