Breaking News: Kim & Kris Heading To Splitsville!!!!!

WOW! Who didn't smell this one coming from miles upon miles and miles away!?! According to numerous reports, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from her duechebag husband - Kris Humphries!!!!! Unbelievable! What an embarrassment these two geniuses are, huh?!?! 72 days, folks!!!!! I have jerkoff sessions that last longer than that!!! Talk about two stone-cold losers!!! Unbelievable! Come on over to the Cabin, Kimmy!!! I'll eat cheesefries out of your tush, and wash it all down with a fuckin frosty from your box! This is just beyond a complete and utter embarrassment!!!! I hate to sound shocked by this, because I'm not, but geez Louise, give me a cocksuckin break, will ya!?! Break me off a piece of that Kim-Kris bar!!!!! The Cabin is like Denzel Washington co-starring Chris Pine - Unstoppable!!!!! Uncle PMAC and the unwashed masses are the complete opposite of these two fuckin phonies!!! Kris doesn't just have egg on his face, he has the whole fuckin omelette, baby!!! You can't make this up, it's just so fuckin pathetic, it's incredible. There's one divorce for Kim, and Prick Cabin has just phoned into our pal Steve Wynn, as we've set the O/U at 50 for the number of marriages she will have from here on out!!!!! Lock it up and take the Over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SIT ON MY FACE, KIM!!! Let me smell that fat fanny!!!!!

Progress In NBA Meetings!

My cock may look like it belongs on Ripley's Believe It Or Not, but the NBA owners and players union have made some progress following lengthy meetings that lasted into the wee hours of early this morning. Apparently David Stern and Billy Hunter were sharing the same Coleman sleeping bag, while Adam Silver and Derek Fisher were caught red-handed with their pricks in each other's respective cookie jars!!! How gross is that?! Since when did these fuckin meetings start to resemble something out of a bad Entenmann's commercial!?! Save some fuckin crumbcake for me, you fuckin shmucks! Less than a week after perhaps the low moment of the lockout, when talks broke down last Thursday with some nasty talk afterward, the process seems back on track, but I still do not expect to see any NBA action before Valentine's Day. Then again, who the fuck am I? Michael Bolton? I don't know shit! I don't even know what day it is! I just crawled out of my crib a little while ago, and caught a taxi to the nearest pawn shop, so I could get rid of this golden fuckin pacifier that's stuck up rump!

Say What?

"I think the players should bow down. It's not the players' fault, it's the owners' fault and I think (the players) should give a little bit, and that way, things will move on. Most players don't give a damn about the game. They want the money and all of a sudden they want unity. I'm not taking the owners' side. I think the players should look at themselves." - Dennis Rodman*

Slow your fuckin canoe, Rodman!!! Who the fuck do you think you are?! Dr. Naismith?! Dr. Drew?! Dr. Oz!?! Dr. Fuckin Suess!?! Gimme a fuckin break! Take a Sheet!

 

Say What?

"If we don't go to Europe, we're going to start our own league, that's how I see it. It's very serious. It's a matter of us strategically coming up with a plan, a blueprint and putting it together. So we'll see how this lockout goes. If it goes one or two years, we've got to start our own league." - Amar'e Stoudemire*

Excuse me, Amar'e? Are you serious, guy? This is a professional fuckin sports league we're talking about here, not some fuckin park & rec over-30 men's league! What team would you play for? Carnegie Fuckin Deli!? Modell's? Del Friscoe's Steakhouse?!?!?! Get a clue, pal! What the fuck is this? The Replacements? Semi-Pro!?

NBA Cancels First Two Weeks Of 2011-2012 Season!

If you didn't smell this coming from a mile away, then you must live in fuckin Oshkosh! The NBA has officially cancelled the first two weeks of the 2011-2012 season, and it doesn't look like they will be playing anytime soon, as no future talks have been planned. According to David Stern, the two sides are, "very far apart on all issues." Honestly? The worst part about this lockout is that we'll be subjected to non-stop jib-jab from that annoying cocksucker, Chris Broussard, on ESPN. I rather wake up to nails on a chalkboard every morning, than have to hear this fuckin weasel's voice! Who the fuck does he think he is, anyway? Jack Fuckin Byrnes?! "If there's no deal and we start losing games," one owner predicted last year, "then we're going to hold out until the players surrender, and we'll wind up getting everything we want." Is that unbelievable or what? These fuckin NBA players are going to be broke by mid-November, because they're too busy throwing their money away on trash! Once again, Prick Cabin predicts ZERO games prior to Valentine's Day 2012. Take it to the fuckin bank! If I'm wrong, then I'll move into a fuckin doghouse, and do nothing but stick XXL Chalupas up my ass for as long as I live! Fuck the Cabin!

 

Delonte West To Work At Home Depot!

"Excuse me, sir, how can I help you today?"

"I don't know, Delonte, you could start by showing me some naked pictures of LeBron's mom on your stolen cell phone, you red-headed freak!" Woah! What are you going to do, right?! Boston Celtics guard, Delonte "I'll Bang Your Mom" West, has applied for a job at Home Depot, folks! Why? Well, the NBA is going to be locked out all year long, and Mr. West can't play overseas due to the fact he's currently on probation stemming from weapons charges back in 2009! Let's be honest, pricks, the fuckin guy was carrying enough ammo for a small militia in a guitar case while riding his motorcycle!!!!! Where the fuck are you going, Delonte?! Unbelievable! "Judge said it's a no go leaving the country," tweeted West the other day. Uhhh, you think!?! You're not going anywhere besides aisle fuckin eight, pal! Is this wood pressure-treated or what?! Where the fuck are the fuckin 1 1/4" sheetrock screws?! How does this Weber compare to this fuckin Frigidaire?!?! Enough is enough! What the fuck does this ugly shmuck know about construction, anyway!? Who does this asshole think he is?! Bob The Fuckin Builder?! Ty Pennington!? Gimme a break! Get fuckin lost!

Kobe Bryant Talking Turkey?!

Turkish club Besiktas is in talks with Kobe Bryant about the possibility of him joining their club, while the NBA continues with their lockout. I don't know what you pricks are thinking, but this whole idea of playing abroad in Europe or Asia is really starting to get out of hand. The more I think about this shit, the sicker I fuckin get. Who in their right fuckin mind wants to live and work in Turkey? Seriously? I rather jam drumsticks up my ass, while dipping my dick in hot stuffing, than play in fuckin Neverland! Who does Kobe think he is? Captain Fuckin Hook!?! Can we please come to our senses here? If I didn't know any better, then I'd think I was stuck in the fuckin Panic Room with that cunt Jodie Foster! Listen, folks, I am very pessimistic about the 2011-2012 NBA season starting before Christmas, but I'm not about to leave the fuckin country over it! I have pornstars to feed! I have a wife and fuckin kids that need Uncle PMAC to bring home the grass every week! The Cabin needs a new roof, and a septic tank! I can't just drop everything, and hightail it to Istanbul! This is my life! Perhaps Kobe should just take a deep breath, and spend the weekend at a nice resort in Colorado to help him calm down before he makes any rash decisions! As Michael Jordan would say, 'That's The Ticket!'

Chris Bosh's Wedding Turns Into Loser Convention!!!

Who invited these fuckin losers!? Chris Bosh's wedding looked like a fuckin Jurassic Park queer convention! Imagine a bunch of flamboyant dinosaurs running around with their heads chopped off, wearing nothing but rainbow-printed underwear! I'm shocked anyone even showed up to this fuckin loserfest! I would rather hang out at the local Texaco, and pump gas until my fuckin prick fell off, than ruin a precious weekend for this shit! I bet my heterosexuality that Bosh didn't even have a DJ or live band, either. My best bet is that he was playing casettes all night long, until Pat Riley blew chunks all over his fuckin wedding cake! Who was the pastor for this shit, anyway? Cedric The Entertainer?! Dollars to fuckin doughnuts their video-montage looked like a fuckin scene out of Barber Shop! When Serena "Cameltoe" Williams and Juwon Howard are important guests, then you have a serious fuckin problem!!! Wade, James, and Bosh can electric-slide off the face of the fuckin planet for all I care! This just in: Bosh's mother couldn't even dance with him, because she was protecting her eggs, since they were set to hatch at any moment!!! I thought these fucks were extinct!?!?! Congratulations from Prick Cabin, Chris! I give it a week!!!

Say What?

"Being that close [to the NBA Finals], and not getting it, hurt. I just stayed inside the whole time. I didn't go anywhere else. I wore pajamas, watched a lot of movies, drank Powerade and got delivery food. My body was just sore and wore out. Mentally, too. I'm just getting over it. ... I know my time will [come] soon. That's how I think about it. I guess you have to pay your dues." - Derrick Rose*

Delivery food? Solar system pajamas!? Pornos and Powerade?! Why not Gatorade, Derrick? No showers? Did the guy even brush his teeth? In all honesty, Prick Cabin will buy a few Zimas for Rose, because Uncle PMAC truly appreciates how much this youngster cares. Think about it, would you rather have a guy who is sick over losing, or a guy who loses, and is then seen smiling at fashion shows a few days later? You pricks do the fuckin algebra! I wonder how many times Rose watched The Other Guys?

The Cabin Salutes Yao "Suck My Fucking Chopstick" Ming!

Prick Cabin would like to take a brief moment to salute Yao Ming on a nice NBA career, as the tall bowl of Miso Soup has decided to retire. The 7'5" monster from the Far East averaged 19.0 ppg, and hauled in 9.2 rebounds per game during his eight seasons here in America. So what's next for the gentle giant? How the fuck am I supposed to know? I'm not a fuckin swami, pricks! What I do know, though, is that I'm gonna cook up a little stirfry on my fuckin cock, and I plan on dousing it in soy sauce in honor of this wonderful human being! General Tsao has nothing on Yao "Suck My Fucking Chopstick" Ming!!! Fuck it! I swear on my johnson I'll fuck five fuckin fortune cookies today for this fuckin beanstalk! Summer Saturdays at the Cabin! Where pussy and hydrangeas bellow out of the chimney to the sweet sounds of pornos blasting from the 55" flat-screen! SIT ON IT! NOW!

Michael Beasley Stays Hot!

Michael Beasley was ticketed in Minnesota last week for going 84 mph in a 65-zone, but our pal was simply in a rush to go get really, really baked! The stoned b-baller must have been hanging with Mr. Cooper, because he was pulled over at 3AM, while cruising the streets of Minnetonka! I'm sorry, folks, but if there is one person who doesn't belong in the state of Minnesota, it's Michael Beasley. The police smelled a strong marijuana odor coming from his car, and found 16.2 grams of grass underneath his driver's seat!!! Bingo!!! This guy is more baked than the fuckin biscotti in my pants! Lucky for Mike this was just a petty misdemeanor, and he was let off with a light $128 fine. Stay hot!!! Where's Kenny Britt!?!

Say What?

"LOL, he took his talents to South Beach, and left his hairline in Cleveland. Lol." - Dwight Howard*

Woah!?! Where did this come from, Dwight!?! Prick Cabin is in a state of shock that a tool such as Dwight Howard could actually say/Tweet something so intelligent! Bravo, Mr. Howard! Bravo!!! Let's be honest, folks, I think chicks rather fuck Dr. Huxtable than Queen James! Rumor has it that LeFag's pecker belongs on a fuckin leprechaun! No wonder his girlfriend is banging every other guy in sight!

NBA Lockout Looms As Judgement Day Arrives!

NBA Judgement Day has arrived, as the players and owners have one last chance to reach an agreement today, before the league goes into lockdown mode at midnight. The sad thing here, is that Charles Barkley is right, when he says it will take a 'miracle' to avoid a work stoppage, and I happen to believe this lockout will undoubtedly cut into the 2011-2012 season. Someone ought to call that cocksucker Keenan Ivory Wayans, because this is a low down dirty shame!!! The last lockout the NBA endured was back in 1998-1999, and although the league salvaged a 50-game season that began in February, the fans still revolted. Well, folks, the NBA better be prepared for an even worse backlash if they choose to go down that same path once again. Prick Cabin? You can bet your fuckin asses the Cabin will lock it's French doors, and seal up the chimney, because I'll never say the word Spalding again, let alone watch a single fuckin second of David Stern's sick sideshow! I'll suck down a gallon of fuckin sawdust before I put on my John Starks jersey! Fuck that, I'll slip my cock in Tinkerbell's tight fuckin twat, before I watch these fuckin phonies! When is enough, enough?!? First the NFL, and now the NBA!?! What's fuckin next?! The PBA!?! Someone tell that motherfuckin cocksucker Pete Weber, he can sleep in the fuckin gutter for all I care! Wake the fuck up, NBA! If you think it's bad now, then you have no clue how much worse it will be...

Chris Bosh's Bachelor Party Blues!

Well, folks, Chris "Jurassic Park" Bosh spent this past weekend in Las Vegas with a bunch of his loser friends to celebrate his bachelor party. Guess who didn't show up to the four-day dickfest? Dwyane Wade and LeFag James!!! How does that taste, Bosh!?! When those creeps won't even go to your fuckin bachelor party in Vegas, then how the fuck do you ever expect to get a pass in crunchtime? The fact of the matter is this, Uncle PMAC can't blame those clowns for passing on your potty party! I think I rather go to a picnic at Adam Fuckin Lambert's house, than hang out with this cocksuckin freak! Talk about a sausage festival! The Chippendales called - they want their fuckin thongs back!!! So what NBA players were at this soiree? Try Jarrett Jack and Pops Mensah-Bonsu on for size!!!! Woah! The only guy missing from that crew is Neil Patrick-Harris! Apparently these jerkoffs were playing paintball, and sucking off Chris Angel for three days straight!!!! The only thing missing from that fuckin party is a six-pack of Pepsi! Wow! The worst part about this whole fuckin circus, is that Bosh dubbed the weekend, "The Hangover 3." I think I'm gonna puke all over my Happy Meal now...

2011 NBA Draft Preview!

The 2011 NBA Draft is tonight in Newark,New Jersey, and it's no secret who the #1 overall prick will be - Kyrie Irving, the point guard out of Duke University, will be packing his bags to tour the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame in the God-awful city known as Cleveland!!! Woah! Who the fuck wants to play there?! I rather stick my dick in a tank full of piranhas, and call it love story! What the fuck is so great about Irving anyway? The prick played 9 games the entire year!!! If I'm the Cavs, and that cocksucker Dan Gilbert, then I'm taking Derrick Williams with the first selection. No fuckin brainer, folks!!! Brandon Knight? Have fun with the Canadien anthem, pal!!! You'll be wacking off into Bosh's old locker, so look out for any unhatched dinosaur eggs! What about the foreigners, PMAC? I don't know, assholes. What about them?!?! Here at Prick Cabin, we couldn't care less about the losers from across the pond! Could Kemba Walker wind up in the Big Apple?! Where's Jimmer Fredette going to start his family!?! My sources tell me he'll be staying in Utah! What about Kenneth "The Rebounding Machine" Faried!? How about go fuck yourself!?! Find out tonight on ESPN at 7:30 eastern!

Dwyane Wade Gets Cozy With Clooney's Old Meat!

What the fuck did I tell you, folks?! Dwyane Wade sure looks miserable, huh!? Enough is enough with this guy! If LeFag isn't a bad influence on D-Wade, then Uncle PMAC eats his Sunday tomato sauce out of a fuckin jar!!! Pat Riley sure is right about these guys! Who doesn't want a trio of players who's main objective isn't to win a championship, but rather to dress like Kanye Fuckin West instead?! No wonder why Wade was missing so many foul shots! The guy is thinking about True Religion and Diesel when he's standing at the cocksuckin charity stripe! I'll tell you one thing, though, George Clooney couldn't care less if Canalis is hanging out with a loser like Wade! My question is this - Where the fuck is Gabrielle Union??? My best bet is she's getting double-teamed in the men's room by Danny Ocean and Michael Clayton! SIT!

Say What?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

NY Knicks Eyeing Jimmer?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Woah! That's A Great Shirt!

How do you like this shirt, LeFag!?! If I didn't know any better, then I'd think you and D-Wade are the modern-day version of Ace & Gary!!!!! I've never seen a couple of professional basketball players act like such pre-schoolers! What brand are the fuckin hoops in your driveways, creeps? PlaySkool? Nerf? Fisher Fuckin Price!?! Jerkoffs!!!!! If anyone is used to the taste of "Dirk," then it must be LeFag - no pun intended!!!!!

LeFag James Theme Song!