Kobe Bryant Talking Turkey?!

Turkish club Besiktas is in talks with Kobe Bryant about the possibility of him joining their club, while the NBA continues with their lockout. I don't know what you pricks are thinking, but this whole idea of playing abroad in Europe or Asia is really starting to get out of hand. The more I think about this shit, the sicker I fuckin get. Who in their right fuckin mind wants to live and work in Turkey? Seriously? I rather jam drumsticks up my ass, while dipping my dick in hot stuffing, than play in fuckin Neverland! Who does Kobe think he is? Captain Fuckin Hook!?! Can we please come to our senses here? If I didn't know any better, then I'd think I was stuck in the fuckin Panic Room with that cunt Jodie Foster! Listen, folks, I am very pessimistic about the 2011-2012 NBA season starting before Christmas, but I'm not about to leave the fuckin country over it! I have pornstars to feed! I have a wife and fuckin kids that need Uncle PMAC to bring home the grass every week! The Cabin needs a new roof, and a septic tank! I can't just drop everything, and hightail it to Istanbul! This is my life! Perhaps Kobe should just take a deep breath, and spend the weekend at a nice resort in Colorado to help him calm down before he makes any rash decisions! As Michael Jordan would say, 'That's The Ticket!'