#19 TCU Horned Frogs!

Imagine if you spiked Kermit's cup of Lipton with some Cialis and Viagra? Well, picture that, and then you can imagine just how exciting these TCU Horned Frogs are on the football field! Sure, they mave have lost Andy Dalton to the Cincy Bengals, but Gary Patterson's perverts are poised to make one last splash in the Mountain West before they ditch the jerkoffs for the friendly confines of the Big East next year. Runningback Ed Wesley returns, along with a staunch defense that has ranked first in the FBS for three straight years, so look for TCU to post another 10-12 win season, folks. Where's Ms. Piggy when you need her, right? Dollars to fuckin cannolis, that fuckin oinker is off playing Scrabble somewhere with her fuckin tits hanging out! What a pig!

Toughest Game: 11/12 @ Boise State

#20 Michigan State Spartans!

I don't know why I put a fuckin exclamation point at the end of Spartans, when these losers deserve punctuation more along the lines of a fuckin comma or a colon with backwards parentheses, so it looks like a fuckin frown! I don't give a shit if the critics are saying this is Coach Mark Dantonio's most talented team! I don't give a Splinter's fuckin ass if Lee Corso wants to suck off QB Kirk Cousins! Not so fast my friend! You're gonna suck off Luther "Shark" Lavay, before you stick a fuckin Spartan helmet on your head! I'm tired of this College Football Preview! I'm disgusted with myself! Every single girl I see walking in the street, or driving next to me, I just want to bang them! When is enough, enough? I'll squirt a trail of jizz all over the streets of East Lansing, so those creeps can have something to remember me by! I rather French-kiss a Venus Flytrap than root for these freaks!

Toughest Game: 10/29 @ Nebraska

#21 Missouri Tigers

No Blaine Gabbert? No fuckin problem! The Missouri Tigers check into the Cabin at #21, and I expect these feisty fucks to surprise a lot of people in a somewhat down year for the Big 12. James Franklin takes over as quarterback for Gabbert, and his main target will be junior wide-receiver, T.J. Moe. The Tigers love an up-tempo offense the same way Uncle PMAC adores a broad who likes to bang on the first date! As a matter of fact, I like girls that like to spread their stems as soon as you fuckin meet them! For example, I could be filling up my rickshaw with unleaded gas, spot a broad pumping premium grade in her pussy, introduce myself as Symore Butts, and voila! The next thing you know I'm filling up her tank with sausage instead of fossil fuels! Bingo fuckin bango, I finger gals when I do the Tango! I'll deliver my dick, the way Domino's delivers pizzas on a Sunday night at the sorority houses in Columbia! Hey, Mizzou fans!? It's not Uncle PMAC - it's DiGiorno!

Toughest Game: 9/24 @ Oklahoma

#22 Mississippi State Bulldogs!

Ring those fuckin cowbells down in Starkville, because Dan Mullen's Bulldogs will be a tough matchup week in and week out this 2011 season! As a matter of fact, I want all the broads down there to attach the bells to their clits, the same way I attach technical data-sheets to emails! How does that feel, girls?! Why the fuck are ya'll walking so slow!?! The Bulldogs finished their 2010 revival-campaign in style by pounding Michigan 52-14 in the Gator Bowl, and they will return fifteen starters from last year's team! Lucky for me, they have a great sex-rehab clinic down in Mississippi known as Pine Grove, because I'm really on edge lately!!! I tell you what, folks, I'm the only sex-addict in the country who never even has sex! I advise all of you to pay close attention to Mississippi State's dual-threat quarterback, Chris Relf, but then again, why would anyone listen to my advice, anyway? I walk around the office with a periscope in my pants, and people look at me like I have five fuckin heads!?

Toughest Game: 9/15 Vs. LSU

#23 USC Trojans!

Lane "The Crooked Cunt" Kiffin and his box of rubbers enter the Prick Cabin Poll at #23, and that's completely based on sheer talent alone, because the Trojans are still banned from the postseason this year, due to their multiple NCAA violations. Reggie Bush? He couldn't care less! When was the last time he practiced safe sex anyway? When he was 12?!? QB Matt Barkley is only going to be better, and USC also sports a dynamic return-man in Robert Woods. Lane's father, Monte, should have the Trojan's defense even stronger, so don't be surprised when these pricks are contending for the PAC-12 South title with the likes of Arizona State. Now having said that, I would still rather have Brandon Walsh from 90210 as my head football coach, than Lane "The Crooked Cunt" Kiffin! Go fuckin figure!

Toughest Game: 10/29 @ Stanford

#24 Penn State Nittany Lions!

Why doesn't someone tell Joe Paterno to fuck off and have a Fresca!? Seriously, folks, it's time for Old Four-Eyes to call it quits! What does this prick think he has left to prove?! The guy is 84 years old, and the last time I checked, his middle fuckin name wasn't Benjamin Fuckin Button! The boring pricks from Happy Valley went 7-6 last season, but due to a weak Big Ten, they somehow cracked the Prick Cabin Top 25! Keep an eye on linebackers Mike Mauti and Gerald Hodges, as both should turn out better than that cocksuckin loser of a bust - Aaron Maybin!!! Quite honestly, I'm doing these jerkoffs a favor by letting them have this ranking. The biggest question of their season is how many times will Coach Paterno make them watch Death To Smoochy for the pregame movie?

Toughest Game: 9/10 Vs. Alabama

#25 Arizona State Sun Devils!

Good afternoon, folks, and welcome to the 2011 Prick Cabin College Football Preview!!! I tell you what, if I didn't know any better, then I'd think I was about to explode, because my cock could crack a coconut right now!!! Dennis Erickson's Arizona State Sun Devils are #25, and I expect the twats in Tempe to make a push for the PAC-12 South title! ASU has the most talented linebacker in the country, in Vontaze Burfict, and they have a very experienced defense. QB Brock Osweiler led them to their two final wins last season against UCLA and Arizona, so look for this shaggy-haired prick to build on that momemtum, while all the sluts in the desert flash him their tits! Sure, Arizona State might have been 6-6 last season, but this is a new day, and the Sun Devils are poised to take control of the revamped PAC-12! Pack your fuckin sun-block, and watch out for Jake Plummer jerking off on the 50-yard line! ASU!

Toughest Game: 10/15 @ Oregon