Breaking News: Roger "Fuck My" Federer Eliminated At Wimbledon!

Six-time champion Roger Federer has been eliminated in the Wimbledon quarterfinals for the second straight year, as the Swedish meatball blew a two-set lead to lose 3-6, 6-7 (3), 6-4, 6-4, 6-4 to Jo-Wilfried "It's The Same Old" Tsonga of France! Woah! I guess Roger should hit the showers, and go have an extremely raunchy threesome with Venus "My Sister's Cameltoe Is Bigger Than Your Penis" Williams and Serena "I Call My Clit An In-Betweener!" Imagine that?! What a show! Someone grab the camcorder, because this menage-a-trois would rake in some big fuckin bucks! I would bet my beanbag that the Williams sisters' vaginas have an aroma somewhere between rotten eggs, and stale skim-milk! It's unbelievable! Picture this:

Serena: "Oh, Roger! Did you just cum inside my snatch?!?!"

Federer: "No, Serena, I had to puke!"

Venus: "Oh my gosh, it's so fuckin wet! My twat is ready to explode, someone call 411!"

The End! Breakfast at Wimbledon is shaping up to be one of the continental variety! Ewwwww!!!!

Breaking News: Serena Williams Ousted At Wimbledon!

We have breaking news from across the pond at Wimbledon, where defending champion, Serena "Clean My Cameltoe" Williams, has been knocked out in the fourth round by Marion Bartoli 6-3, 7-6 (6). Thanks for coming out, clitface! Perhaps Serena and her boyfriend, Common, should go fuck off somewhere, and call it a fuckin horror flick! Maybe the burly bitch could design some more brutal clothes while she has this unexpected free time?! Who knows!?! I'm no fuckin swami, folks! See you at the U.S. Open, Serena! In the meantime, I suggest you do something about that colossal cameltoe of yours, because it's bigger than my prick!

Nadal Win's 6th French Open Title!

Rafael Nadal did it again! He did it again!!! The man of clay defeated Roger "Fucko" Federer 7-5, 7-6, 5-7, 6-1, yesterday en route to winning his 6th French Open title, thus tieing him with Bjorn Borg for the most in history when it comes to Roland Garros. Me? What the fuck do I know? I'm the kind of prick who smokes grass on clay! I'll bang Nadal's sisters in the sandbox, and pretend it was my first time to the fuckin rodeo! Seriously, it's only a matter of time before my neighbors complain. How could anyone get any sleep around the Cabin with the sound of beer cans opening all night long?! I drink sodas fast, so fuckin what? Big fuckin deal! Honestly? I just hope Nadal has a good fuckin dentist, because this prick is constanly biting down on his trophies as if it was a paella fuckin sandwich! What's your deal, Rafa? You're scaring the kids, you freak! Nadal is now 6-2 all-time against Federer in Grand Slam Finals, including 4-0 on the red clay outside of Paris.

"Rafa Slam" My Prick!

Rafael Nadal crumbled in Melbourne early this morning, so there will be no "Rafa Slam!" The hot shot tennis player lost his quarterfinal match in straight fuckin sets, 6-4, 6-2, 6-3 to his fellow countryman, David Ferrer. Sionara, Nadal! Pricks like you aren't allowed to win four straight majors, especially when they pull a "Cutler" out on the court! Nadal suffered an apparent leg injury during the match, and wasn't going after balls he normally would! Now that this jerkoff has been eliminated, I think Andy Murray has to be the favorite to win. What the fuck do I know, though? I'm not a fuckin tennis expert, and the last time I saw a kangaroo, it looked like a crispy graham cracker that I was dipping in vanilla fuckin frosting!!! I don't understand how all these fuckin guys are suffering leg injuries, while I'm strolling around on three every fuckin day! Seriously, gimme a fuckin break for once! I fall down the stairs every fuckin morning!!! I can't even use my prick as a dick anymore! I have to waste it as a fuckin belt! Go suck down a  Foster's, and get the fuck outta here, Rafa!