Chris Bosh's Wedding Turns Into Loser Convention!!!

Who invited these fuckin losers!? Chris Bosh's wedding looked like a fuckin Jurassic Park queer convention! Imagine a bunch of flamboyant dinosaurs running around with their heads chopped off, wearing nothing but rainbow-printed underwear! I'm shocked anyone even showed up to this fuckin loserfest! I would rather hang out at the local Texaco, and pump gas until my fuckin prick fell off, than ruin a precious weekend for this shit! I bet my heterosexuality that Bosh didn't even have a DJ or live band, either. My best bet is that he was playing casettes all night long, until Pat Riley blew chunks all over his fuckin wedding cake! Who was the pastor for this shit, anyway? Cedric The Entertainer?! Dollars to fuckin doughnuts their video-montage looked like a fuckin scene out of Barber Shop! When Serena "Cameltoe" Williams and Juwon Howard are important guests, then you have a serious fuckin problem!!! Wade, James, and Bosh can electric-slide off the face of the fuckin planet for all I care! This just in: Bosh's mother couldn't even dance with him, because she was protecting her eggs, since they were set to hatch at any moment!!! I thought these fucks were extinct!?!?! Congratulations from Prick Cabin, Chris! I give it a week!!!