Loser Du Jour!

Three-time Wimbledon runner-up, Andy "I'm Nothing Short Of A Loser" Roddick, has been eliminated in the third round, across the pond, in straight fuckin sets!!! This poor excuse for an American tennis player was dominated today by 44th-ranked Feliciano Lopez, 7-6 (2), 7-6 (2), 6-4! Thanks for coming out, Andy!!! Early onions for you and Brooklyn Decker all night long like Lionel Fuckin Richie!!! Lopez drilled 28 aces into Roddick's crotch, and slammed 57 winners right up his loose fuckin ass! Take that, Andy! Prick Cabin is hosting a tennis tournament all weekend as well, and I have a feeling things are going to get extremely raunchy. Uncle PMAC plans on getting a few ice luges, about 50 kegs of Bud Ice, and tons of grass-brownies! I'm not kidding folks, I'll have a fuckin threesome with Betty "The Cunt" Crocker, and her slutty friend, Little Debbie! I'll bend them both over the hammock, and alternate snatches until my fuckin cock falls off! I want to play some doubles! Let's go! My courts are made out of the finest grass anyone could buy! Enough is enough! I'm tired of playing ping-pong! I'm through with engaging in a drawn-out game of Marco Polo with my own dick! Call your friends! Let them all know the Cabin is the place to be for a fun-filled weekend of athletics and leisure! Hookers and Zimas all around! Free fannypacks at the door! See you there!