Farmers Insurance Open Update!

Who on earth is Chris "Captain" Kirk? He's the prick in 1st place after two rounds at Torrey Pines, that's who he is! Guess who's currently in second place? John "I Smoke & Drink" Daly!!! Nobody better than you, John! Swing that stick, the way I bang Big Bertha with my motherfuckin prick! Anthony Kim is in third place at -8 under, and then there's a logjam at fourth place with pricks like Tiger Woods, Bubba Watson, & Rickie Fowler all sitting at -7 under. What's on tap for tonight? Tiger is hosting a shindig at the San Diego Zoo, and every twat in the universe is invited!!! Sounds like a party to me!! I'll bring the cold antipasto, and ahi-tuna! I'm a tremendous guest, who never comes empty-handed, or dirties up my host's dishes! What do I use for a spatula to flip the tuna after 90 seconds? Take a wild fuckin guess, folks! My dick!!!! I expect a wacky fuckin weekend at Torrey Pines, and hopefully we'll all be able to enjoy an exciting final round on Sunday! In the meantime, go get one of those Coors Light home drafts, and try to fuck it in front of your friends!!!! Nobody laughs at their own jokes more than me, baby!!!! And to think I'm the same guy who mutters "What the fuck are you looking at?"  about three times, every time I get behind the wheel of my fuckin partybus!!! Seriously, I gotta be the only prick in the world who has to pay a fuckin cover-charge in order to drive his own vehicle!