After an exquisitely executed opening sequence involving a pair of 11 year old twin girls and the haunted house ride from my wildest dreams, Dark Ride degenerates into another slasher by numbers complete with “let’s split up and find the others!” mentality. For those who have been disappointed by lame "house of horror" amusement park rides, the first 5 minutes are worth checking out if only to see what one of these rides should look like.
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I'm looking at YOU Rocky Point from my childhood! 45 minutes in line to see a dangling skeleton and a painted werewolf on the wall? You suck! |
The other 89 minutes are mostly unremarkable but are made palatable by an above average looking killer and the presence of Jamie-Lyn Sigler (from The Sopranos). She and her on again/off again boyfriend (which becomes a moot detail very quickly), a free spirited hitchhiking dingbat, a couple of other expendables and Jim, the man with a million irksome facial expressions set out for adventure. Unfortunately for them, of all the times they could have chosen to take mushrooms and break into the newly reopened "Dark Ride", they had to pick the very night when a homicidal maniac flees a mental institution to go on a killing spree. Of all the rotten luck!
The one thing I've learned thus far during Horrorthon '11 is that city planners really need to stop building mental institutions next to amusement parks. It's simply a recipe for disaster. Anyway, Dark Ride goes on autopilot until the all too predictable "swerve" at the end. Like most slashers, the audience is likely going to root for the killer rather than the victims. Personally I paid attention solely to see what obnoxious expression Jim would bust out once he was staring death in the face.
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In one of these pictures Jim is staring at breasts and in another he's about to be killed. Can you guess which is which? |
