Loser Du Jour!

We have a winner, folks, and his name is Derek "I Refuse To Take The Dickbreath Test" Lowe!!! Congrats, loser! You've just won a trip to see our pal John Patrick Mason! The 37-year-old righthander was stopped at about 10PM last night on an Atlanta street, and the odor of alcohol drifting from his vehicle was unbearable, as the veteran pitcher was arrested and booked for DUI! Apparently Lowe tried to explain it was the famous PMAC "Booze" Cologne, but the trooper wasn't buying it! Nice try, Lowe, you fuckin loserface! Do us all a favor, and retire, pal! You have about as good a chance at winning 10 games this season, as I have getting a girl to lift up her shirt, when I yell "show your tits" out my car window!!! Bingo fuckin bango!!! I'm the kind of guy who goes to the tanning salon on his breakfast break, picks up an iced latte, makes a trip to the bank, and tries to get any female pedestrian to reveal her breasts to me! I'm not going to lie, folks, if I had a gal yelling 'show your dick' to me out her vehicle's window, then I'd be quite flattered! I don't give a fuck if I'm driving a cocksuckin rent-a-car either! Show your tits, honey!!!! I have Michigan license plates for Christ's sake! Would you rather have me driving around half-in-the-bag ala Derek Lowe?! I didn't think so! Now take a fuckin seat, loser! Kick him off the tour, Bud!!!