Breaking News: Live Update From Augusta!

Rory Mcllroy has hit the clubhouse with a -7, 65, to sit pretty atop The Masters leaderboard! Rory roars!!! The youngster just checked into a bedroom at Butler Cabin, and he plans on ordering some of the finest hookers the state of Georgia has to offer!!! He's hot and horny, baby!!! Matt Kuchar and Sergio "I'll Spit In The Cup" Garcia are both currently tied for second place at -4, while Tiger Woods is lurking with an erection at -1 thru 14, and Phil Mickelson is E thru 3. Young stud, Rickie Fowler, had a nice surge on the back-nine to finish his day with a -2, 70, and he is tied for 9th place. In related news, ESPN host, Mike Tirico, ran out on to the Par-3 12th hole a few minutes ago, and tried to fuck the flagstick!!! The portly Canadien was quickly apprehended by security, and removed from the grounds immediately. Stay tuned for further details!!!