Breaking News: Live Update From Augusta!

Good morning, folks, from Prick Cabin, where Ross Fisher is currently tied atop The Masters leaderboard with Retief Goosen at -4. Rory Mcllroy is in second place at -3 thru seven holes, while Tiger Woods, Ernie Els, and Graeme McDowell are all E early on. Rickie Fowler is +1 thru seven, and Dustin Johnson sits at +2 thru nine. On a side note, Verne Lundquist was caught porking Vijay Singh's wife in the woods behind Amen Corner about a half hour ago!!! Get her, Verne! Show her that your prick is longer than your neck!