Red Sox Finalize Deal For Adrian Gonzalez*

The Boston Red Sox and San Diego Padres have finalized their deal involving All-Star first-baseman, Adrian Gonzalez., and they've sealed it by giving him a 7-Year contract extension worth $154 million!!! Whoahhhh! That's a high price!!! They don't sell Adrian Gonzalezes at Staples, that's for fuckin sure! Boston parted ways with three of their top prospects, including impressive righty, Casey Kelly. Gonzalez hit .298 last season, and slugged 31 homers, while driving in 101 runs. "I'm very excited to be in Boston and ready to beat the Yanks," said Gonzalez. We'll see about that, Adrian....You just keep house-hunting in Provincetown, pal.  You'll love your new digs, you flamer! Your fuckin press conference is going to look like a fuckin Ricky Martin book-signing!