Breaking News: Joe Paterno To Retire After Season*

News is breaking across the Cabin Wire that Joe Paterno will retire at the end of this season! Retire!?! Doug, KICK HIM OFF THE TOUR!!!!! I want this fuckin four-eyed creep to step down immediately! Enough is enough! Get these motherfuckin creeps, out of this motherfuckin country!!!!! Someone needs to force his resignation asap! This is garbage! Make like Tom Hanks in Castaway and GET FUCKIN LOST!!!!!