Prick Cabin MLB Hot Stove Preview!

I might not always fuck, but when I do, I prefer a brick-oven!!!!! Fuck that! Gimme a fuckin HOT STOVE, and let me work my magic! Are you guys offended or something? Does all the cursing ruffle your fuckin pubes!?! Throw in a fuck, and you double your laughs!!! Everybody knows that!!! 32-year-old, Albert "Put It In Her" Pujols, and Prince "The Vegan" Fielder lead the class of 2011 free agents, while Jose "I Might Be Gay" Reyes, and CJ "Where's My Hemp Necklace" Wilson follow closely behind. The Cabin would also like to mention some closers that will be on the market, such as, Heath "You Can Ring My" Bell, Jonathan "I Lost My Prick, So I Just Have A" Papelbon, and Francisco "I'll Kick The Shit Out Of My Father-In-Law" Rodriguez, who will all be testing the market in the weeks ahead. BB-gun to my cock? I'll say Papelprick heads back to Boston, because new GM, Ben Cherington, just got a new PS3 for the Clubhouse! I could see Bell surfacing in St. Louis, and K-Rod will most likely wind up in the California-Penal league!!! Uncle PMAC guarantees the Cubs will make a splash, and sign either Pujols or Fielder, while also kicking the tires on Grady Sizemore. What about Jose Reyes? Well, you can bet your bottom fuckin dollar that this chimpanzee won't be returning to the Mets, because Fred Wilpon makes Jamal from Slumdog Millionaire look like Warren Fuckin Buffet!!! My prediction is that the injury-prone shortstop will be making his home in the Mid-Atlantic, while dancing around for the Washington Nationals, unless the Giants step in and make a very big offer themselves. The Cabin is not a fan of CJ Wilson after his brutal postseason, and if I were a GM, I'd steer clear of the 31-year-old southpaw, rather than overpaying for a guy who is not even a bonafide #2 starting-pitcher. I'd look elsewhere for hurlers like Edwin Jackson and Mark Buehrle, who I believe can provide equal numbers, but at a much more manageable pricetag. Stay tuned to Prick Cabin for all things Hot Stove, as I'll be breaking news the way Doris "The Clitoris" Burke breaks full-length mirrors!! Make like Chris Fuckin Matthews, because it's time for some fuckin  HARDBALL!!!