Tigers Take 2-1 ALDS Lead Over Yankees!

The Detroit Tigers took a commanding 2-1 series lead over the lifeless and overpaid New York Yankees last night, as the pricks from Motown out-hit, out-pitched, and out-classed the cocksuckers from the Bronx! The final score was 5-4, as Detroit has been stellar on offense this series with runners in scoring position, while Alex "I'm The Worst Person & Player On The Planet" Rodriguez and Mark "Worthless" Teixeira have been more invisible than Casper's fuckin cock! Justin Verlander hurled eight gritty innings, and struck out 11 batters, en route to his 25th victory of the season. CC Sabathia? Please, this fuckin fatso was more wild than the hyenas in The Lion King! Prick Cabin predicted the Tigers in 4 games, and now that the Yankees will be sending the putrid and pitiful A.J. Burnett (11-11, 5.15 ERA) to the bump tonight, Uncle PMAC is looking awfully smart on this Tuesday morning. Perhaps I should go buy breakfast for Jose Valverde, because he seems to be a genius as well?! This fuckin assclown is 50 for 50 in Save opportunities this year?! Are you kidding me?! I've seen better closers on TNT! Her name is Kyra Sedgwick!!! The Tigers will counter Burnett with Rick "Veal" Porcello (14-9, 4.75 ERA), and the youngster from New Jersey is poised to seal the deal in the Motor City. Unbelievable, folks! A.J. Burnett has the Yankees season in his hands tonight, and the guy is nothing but a walking fuckin cockblock! I'm not kidding, this fuckin loser struts around with a barricade around his own prick!!! Prick Cabin predicts Tigers 11 - Yankees 3! La-la-la-la-la-la-LOCK-IT-UP!!!!!!