Breaking News: Carson Palmer To The Raiders!

The Bengals and Raiders are close to a trade that would send Carson Palmer to Oakland for a 2012 first rounder and conditional first round pick in 2013, Prick Cabin has confirmed. This deal is imminent, and has been agreed upon. How about that!?! Two fuckin first-rounders for a quarterback who hasn't been good in at least five years?! Palmer hasn't even played one fuckin snap all year long!!!!! Who the fuck does Jay Glazer think he is, by the way?! I broke this story! Not that pudgy little Subway-eating freak! I don't give a fuck if it's Anytober, it's still Octfuckintober in my book! Who's going to come out of the woodwork next? Chris Mortenson? I'd lock that creep up, and throw the key down the fuckin Grand Canyon! My fuckin jizz is a better anecdote to the Raiders' quarterback issues, than Carson Palmer is! I rather dress up as Gordon Fuckin Gekko, and electric-slide all around Zuccotti Park, than have this cocksucker under center!!!