Breaking News: A-Rod & Cameron Diaz Call It Quits!

There's trouble in Loserdise! A-Rod & Cameron Diaz have split up after spending the past year and half together! Sayonara, Alex! The Bad Teacher plans on sucking off all her students from now on, and Uncle PMAC brought in a ripe Granny Smith today!!! Nobody wants to date a loser like A-Roid! Not even Doris "The Clitoris" Burke! I'll pretend Cameron's pussy is a whale, and my prick is a harpoon! Call me Captain Fuckin Dickhab, babyyy! Perhaps I'll spread some of my wasabi on her fresh fuckin tuna?! I have a blue-fin in my fuckin swimtrunks! I'll make like Judge Dredd, and use my cock as a mallet to finalize this fuckin breakup! Who needs Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston when you have a prick like Uncle PMAC! Let's be honest, folks, this relationship was like Jack Nicholson co-starring Diane Keaton - Something's Gotta Give!!!! Who fuckin knows? Maybe Diaz has a taffy-twat?! What can you do with that, besides stick your shovel in her snatch, and don't stop plowing until you hit that G-spot!!!!! BOOM!!! Hot pussy juice everywhere, and you know I'm about my pornos so I just don't care! Who needs US Weekly when you have Prick Cabin!!!