Breaking News: ESPN Inks 8-Year $15.2 Billion Deal To Keep "MNF!"

On the night of the 2011 NFL season-opener, ESPN has inked a $15.2 Billion deal with the NFL for exclusive rights of "Monday Night Football" through 2021!!! Unbelievable, folks! Will the Cabin even be standing by then?!?! ESPN's current deal is worth $1.1 billion a year to the NFL, and has now been upped to $1.9 billion per year. So fuckin what if you can watch the NFL on your iPad now?! Watch it on a fuckin Maxi-pad, and then talk to me!!! Now that would be some real blood and sweat! I'm sorry, but Uncle PMAC can't stomach watching Michelle Tafoya suck off Steve Young, until he tells her to stop because he thinks he's still at BYU! Who needs to see more of Suzy Kolber?! I rather watch a bunch of girls with hairy bushes have an all-out orgy on the White House lawn! What the fuck do I know, though? I won't pass gas in your backswing, I'll just shit!