Well it was a tight contest with exactly 15 entries, our three die-hardest bloggers (besides me, I like to think) each hitting all of the five blank strips. Sorry to leave you hanging without any actual entries myself, but as the contest administrator I always fear I may scoop somebody else's idea. And it didn't seem like you needed my help.
The wonderful thing about hunting up Family Circuses to lampoon is seeing the sheer weight of Family Circus hatred on the internet. Johnny Sweatpants wins this one with a wonderfully emotional extrapolation of the Not Me experience. The opening and closing lines are hilarious.
"I swear to God I'm not shitting you, Mom! Not Me trashed my bedroom, let the dog out, dunked Jeffy's head in the toilet and mailed anthrax to Principle Miller! He's fucking crazy I tell you!"
I found this Spider-Man the last time I was looking for material; even without the words you can tell it ends on a totally blah note, but I couldn't resist posting some Mary Jane cheesecake.
JPX takes it with his rendition of Pissy Peter Parker.
Panel 1
MJ: How do you like my new bikini, Tiger?
Peter: Quite frankly you look fat and I would be embarrassed to be seen with you in that suit.
Panel 2
Peter: Yes, I told you, you're returning the suit.
Peter: Furthermore, you called me "Tiger" again. I'm sick of you calling me by your old boyfriend's nickname.
However, Catfreeek gets a shout out on this one for correctly understanding who's suppposed to be speaking and when in the last panel. I just now figured it out myself, because the characters are doing a stupid, confusing tango with their talking balloons so that 1) looking left to right it seems MJ speaks first (see JSP) and 2) both talking balloon pointies are pointing at Peter (see JPX). But yeah, it's Peter, then MJ. Which also made Cat's a lot funnier when I realized MJ delivers that last line.
"So Peter, what do think of my new tiger skin bikini?...Peter?...Peter!!"
"Huh? You say something MJ? This nature series is so engrossing."
Panel 2
"MJ, are you wearing Aunt May's purple sweater again?"
"Oh man, it smells just like fresh baked cookies and Ivory soap. I'm so turned on right now."
Cat nearly got this one because my favorite thing about it is Archie's expression in the last panel and it goes perfectly on someone who just watched someone else eat poop. But this taut little drawing-room comedy by Johnny Sweatpants really cracked me up.
Panel 1
"Well if it wasn't me and it wasn't you then clearly Hot Dog was responsible. This wouldn't be the first time he ruined a dinner party."
Panel 2
"It smells like a clogged toilet at Big Moose's house."
"It smells like a rotting buffalo."
Panel 3
"Why are we still standing here? Let's continue this conversation outside."
This one came with the most obvious lead, that being lust over some hot boy ass. As everyone hit it right on the mark (and I would've too... I was thinking about "the new crop of hot boy ass had come in" or something) this was a tough one to call. Kirk Cameron and Adolf Hitler are both equally funny... but ultimately I went with JPX's take on Gil, who goes about his sodomy in a direct, no-nonsense fashion.
Panel 1
“Ooooooh, I just love this annual tradition, I have goose bumps!”
Panel 2
Narration: “Gil organizes his boys and gets them into proper position”
Panel 3
Gil: “Turn that frown upside down, Billy. This is going to hurt you more than it’s going to hurt me but it will make you a better football player.”
Windsor McCay is a renowned cartoonist from the early 20th century and one of my favorite artists. His most famous strip was probably Little Nemo in Slumberland, which ran from 1907 to 1914.
At the top of this panel there's a title: "Things that Never Happen." I don't know if it was a regular thing he did or just the title for this strip, but I left it off so as to not lead the joke.
This also turned out to be the only strip I posted that hasn't already been used in a previous contest. But... eh.
Cat nails this one with the following slick nerd reference.
"Dammit Doc, you should have stuck with the Delorean! Now look at the mess we're in!"
Solid, funny entries by all players. And kudos to you for sticking with it in these times of lean bloggery.
The winner iiiiiiiiss.... Johnny Sweatpants! His Archie made me laugh the loudest.
