Breaking News: Osi Umenyiora Out 3-4 Weeks*

The twists and turns of Osi Umenyiora's training camp persist, as the disgruntled defensive-end is currently undergoing arthroscopic knee surgery today, and will now miss the next 3-4 weeks. The saga fuckin continues for the 29-year-old jerkoff, who has the nerve to demand more money when he can't even get on the fuckin football field! I'm going to be honest here, folks, because this could be a blessing in disguise for the Giants, as they can now insert 22-year-old, Jason Pierre-Paul, into the starting lineup. Pierre-Paul is drawing rave reviews in camp, and he's ready to bust out ala Uncle PMAC at a peep show in his mesh fuckin shorts! What the fuck do I know, though? I just pounded a toasted sesame-seed bagel with cream cheese, and puked it up all over my fat fuckin secretary's face! Take that, you nasty bitch! Give me your two weeks notice, so I can bang your daughter while you're out looking for jobs, you fuckin hog! SIT! Don't bite the prick that feeds you!