Prick Cabin Weekly Q & A!

Good morning, folks, and welcome to another edition of Cabin Conversations with yours truly, Uncle PMAC. I was unable to meet with Rex Ryan last week due to prior engagements, so I've rescheduled to have him back later this fall for an intimate 1-on-1. Today we will be getting to know Jered "The Jeweler" Weaver, he of the shiny new five-year $85 million extension via the Los Angeles Angels, and flowing blonde locks. I don't pretend to be Roy Firestone here at the Cabin, so please have some patience with me. This isn't Up Close, ok? I have my own way of doing things, and I expect this to be a professional interview. 

Uncle PMAC: "Good morning, Jered, and congratulations on your contract extension. You must be a happy man, huh?"

JW: "First off, Uncle PMAC, thanks for having me here at the Cabin. This is really an honor to sit down with a gentleman and a scholar such as yourself. I'm very thrilled to have inked a new deal with the Angels. I love it in southern California, and the fans are the best."

Uncle PMAC: "Interesting, so you think the fans are a loyal group?"

JW: "(shrugs his shoulders) Anyone who says differently, well, let's just say they have sour grapes."

Uncle PMAC: "Do you expect to win the Cy Young this season?"

JW: "Is today Monday?"

Uncle PMAC: "(laughs) You're a rather confident fellow, Jered. What's your brother Jeff up to?"

JW: "(smirks) That's between Jeff and I. I'm not so sure he wants me to publicize what he's been doing lately, so I'd appreciate it if you would respect his privacy."

Uncle PMAC: "Don't you think that's sort of sketchy? Is he wacking off with his left hand or something?"

JW: "Listen, fuckface! Don't you ever speak about my brother in that tone again. I'm not that cunt Adam Scott! I'll flip this fuckin table over, and stick my elbow down your throat!"

Uncle PMAC: "I'd like to see you fuckin try, asshole!"

JW: "Do you have any more fuckin questions for me, or can I skedaddle?"

Uncle PMAC: "Did you check in on how the Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries nuptials went?"

JW: "You bet Khloe's fat fuckin ass I did! I'll bang all three of those sisters, so you can tell Kris or Lamar or Scott, they can all go fuck themselves. Weaver rules!"

Uncle PMAC: "Who would you rather eat out, Catwoman or Wonderwoman?"

JW: "That's easy, Catwoman. She's a real pussy."

Uncle PMAC: "Why?"

JW: "Her twat isn't nearly as sweaty as that bodybuilding bitch - Wonderwoman."

Uncle PMAC: "Favorite actor?"

JW: "Keanu Reeves."

Uncle PMAC: "Favorite actress?"

JW: "Whoopi Goldberg."

Uncle PMAC: "Would you fuck her?"

JW: "No question about it, and I'd do it sans condom (chuckles)."

Uncle PMAC: "Favorite entertainer?"

JW: "Paula Abdul."

Uncle PMAC: "Favorite movie?"

JW: "Twister."

Uncle PMAC: "Three dinner guests?"

JW: "Richard Pryor, Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy."

Uncle PMAC: "Favorite meal?"

JW: "Belgian waffle."

Uncle PMAC: "If you could have one person in a foxhole with you, who would it be?"

JW: "Kanye West."

Uncle PMAC: "What are your expecations for the rest of this season?"

JW: "(giggles) Well, I like to set the bar very low, Uncle PMAC. I lead my life similar to a limbo contest, so if I flame out, and go 0-6 the rest of the way, then so be it. At least I'll be able to say, 'it was a heckuva ride.' "

Uncle PMAC: "Thanks a lot, Jered. Take care."