Breaking News: Boston's Clay Buchholz Out For Season*

Boston Red Sox starting pitcher, Clay "I Like To Take It In The" Buchholz, will miss the remainder of the 2011 season with a stress fracture in his lower back. This year, Buchholz had a 3.48 ERA in 14 starts, striking out 60 and walking 31 over 82 2/3 innings. Theo Epstein clearly traded for Erik "I Like To Pick My" Bedard yesterday, because of Clay's back issues, but something tells me the fragile Canadien might struggle in the pressure-cooker of Beantown. The last I heard, Big Papi actually wipes his fat fuckin fanny with maple leaves! Woah! How disgusting is that?! Bedard is about as cool as having a fuckin hamster for a pet! What the fuck do I know, though? I fuck waffle-cones for fun! I'm not kidding, folks! I'll fuck a Fig Newton, and call it a romantic fuckin comedy!