Robbie Cano Wins 2011 Home Run Derby!

How about a plate of green eggs and snatch for breakfast, folks?! Now that's what I call a dish best served cold!!! Yankees second-baseman, Robinson Cano, put on quite the long-ball exhibition last night out in the desert. The talented youngster was drilling balls deep into the stands at Chase Field, while the Cabin was throwing a poolside cookout over the right-field fence! What a party! Uncle PMAC rounded up his best group of sluts, and turned the Home Run Derby into an absolute public fuckfest! You should have seen the looks on some of the fans' faces! I don't know what was worse - me filling the pool up with jizz, or the poor fielding by all those little fuckin losers in the outfield! I'll tell you another thing, if I don't have to hear Chris "Brutal" Berman's dogshit shtick ever again, then I'll be able to die a happy prick! Someone needs to stick a $5-Footlong in that fat slob's mouth, before I do something ridiculously fuckin drastic! Cano outslugged Adrian Gonzalez 12-11 in the final round to win his first ever Home Run Derby Crown in his first ever appearance in the event.