Breaking News: Tiger Woods Pulls Out Of 2011 U.S. Open!

We have breaking news from Prick Cabin! In a somewhat expected development, Tiger "Horndog" Woods, has withdrawn from the 2011 U.S. Open at Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, Maryland from June 16th-19th. Injuries to Woods' left nut and Achilles' are bad enough for Tiger to skip the U.S. Open for the first time in his career, dating back to 1994!!! Woah! I think that was the year Woods opened up his first Playboy Magazine!!! Who knew a complete cocksuckin tsunami of pornos and starlets would soon follow?!? I just hope Tiger can get healthy, because what's the PGA Tour without the motherfuckin clubhouse whore!!! No timetable has been set for his return.