Auburn's 'Toomer's Corner' Poisoned By 'Bama Fanatic!

What the fuck was Harvey Almorn Updyke from Dadeville, Alabama thinking? This 62-year old cocksucker has been arrested for criminal mischief, and is currently being held on $50,000 bail. Prick Cabin is familiar with Toomer's Corner, and I think it's unfortunate this asshole decided to spray an herbicide, Spike 80DF, in the soil surrounding the majestic, 130-year old, oak trees. Toomer's Corner is an incredible focal point of Auburn's campus, and it has a ton of tradition in it's history. Auburn students have run to the corner, and thrown toilet paper on the trees following a big football win for the past fifty fuckin years, but now these oaks will likely die. The culprit is a Crimson Tide fanatic, and he better pay the fuckin price for this dispicable fuckin act. This is no laughing matter, folks. This prick deserves to be thrown in a fuckin zoo!!! I'm not a happy fuckin guy right now, and I plan on bringing this attitude out to the car with me when I go on my lunch break! The next fuckin fuck that cuts me off, or falls asleep at the light, will get a tennis racket to their fuckin face!!! I keep one handy in my front seat, so you cocksuckers should make sure you're paying close attention!!! I'll beat the piss out of anyone I see! What the fuck do I care? I've never been one to shy away from making people cry, especially when I jam jizz-carmelized onions in your fuckin eyes, while slamming your fuckin face in a bucket of rotten cole slaw! Fuck off, Harvey! WAR EAGLE!!!