Sit On My Pujols & Suck It!

Reports are swirling around Prick Cabin that there is virtually no chance slugger, Albert Pujols will sign an extension with the Cardinals before his February 16th deadline. Fat Albert is obviously the best player in the game right now, and the guy has to get paid. Pujols is in the final year of his $116 Million deal, and he doesn't even make the most money on his team, as that title is held by Matt Holliday. Don't get me wrong, Pujols has shown no signs of slowing down, but he's also 31 years old already. How long of a contract are the Cardinals willing to give this prick? Regardless, Albert should just rock out with his cock out, swim with his Slim-Jim, and skip with his prick the rest of the fuckin season. Perhaps he should just drill Busch Lights instead of Budweisers, in order to show the fans he's a man of the people? What better way to do that then show up wasted to all the games? Seriously? I spray myself with beer cologne before I go to fuckin work in the morning! I'm at the cocksuckin Xerox machine, and the people who smell me want to puke! Get a fuckin whiff of me, guys!!! How the fuck is PMAC so productive when he wreaks of booze?!?! He doesn't even know he's at work right now!! Someone has to be this guy's designated driver just for him to go on his fuckin coffee break!! Fuck it! I'll drench my Lucky Charms in Kahlua and milk, I don't give a fuck! I'll dunk my dick in the fuckin bowl, and call it a day!!! Loserville, huh? I spent a week there one night!!! I will be shocked if Pujols is in another uniform next year, absolutely shocked. The Cleveland Cavaliers have a better chance of winning the NBA Finals, than Pujols has leaving St. Louis.