Kerry Wood To The Cubs!

I'm coming home again! Kerry Wood has returned to the Chicago Cubs on a 1-year deal worth a paltry $1.5 million!!! Come on, Kerry! You got kids to feed! You're supposed to set the fuckin market like the Andrea Gale! This is the Windy Fuckin City! Not the Flemish Cap!!!! Enough is enough! How do you let that fat fuckin ugly cocksucker, Bobby Jenks, ink a bigger deal than you!?!?! Break me off a piece of that cocksuckin Kit-Kat Bar! Suck my Twix! You want me in that bullpen! You fuckin need me in that bullpen! Fuck that, Kerry!!!! I want the Clit! You can't handle the Clit!!!!!