Tony Parker & Eva Longoria Split! Parker Bangs Brent Barry's Wife!

Apparently four years has been enough for Tony Parker and Eva Longoria, as the two have decided to take a trip to Splitsville, USA. My sources tell me Eva was snooping around like Nancy Fuckin Drew, and she stumbled upon Tony's cell phone, where she saw some "sexts." You know what they say, right? If you ain't sexting, then you ain't trying! So let me get this straight, it's ok that Eva is banging Carlos and John fuckin Tucker at the same time, but Tony can't have a little fun on the side? In other words, what's the big deal if Tony has been snowplowing Brent Barry's wife, Erin Barry! BINGO!!!!!!! Yes, folks! Tony got caught with his prick in the cookie jar! Erin has recently filed for divorce from Brent, but these new revelations are going to make the former Slam Dunk Champion very distraught. What about his brother Jon Barry? That prick is going to be even more fuckin miserable on ESPN! Now it's a fuckin party, baby!!! I'll turn the music up, and we can use my prick as the fuckin limbo stick! How low can you go!!!!!!!!