Breaking News: Texas Rangers Sign Adrian Beltre*

The Texas Rangers have inked Adrian Beltre to a whopping 6-Year $96 Million deal! The 31-year old is coming off an All-Star season with the Red Sox, but then again, everyone hits well at Fenway Park. I expect Beltre to revert to his old ways, because this fuckin prick has a history of taking the foot off the gas once he gets his cash. Sure he's slick with the leather, but this jerkoff has a dick as light as a fuckin feather!!! Beltre's last long-term deal came in 2004 when he signed with the Seattle Mariners for five years and $64 million. Well guess what? The guy didn't hit above .276 in any of those five seasons...