Breaking News: Kentucky's Knight, Jones, & Liggins All Turn Pro!

I don't know about you pricks, but I expected Kentucky's Brandon Knight and Terrance Jones to both turn pro, but Deandre Liggins too? He came as a bit of a surprise. Coach Calipari continues to churn out NBA talent, and the Knight-Jones combo is as talented as it gets. I wonder if these guys plan on doing any homework the rest of the semester? I know I wouldn't! I'd be hanging out at the strip-clubs, and Churchill Downs! Seriously, folks, I'd be jizzing in every bonnet I saw! Come here, bitch! Let me fill up your hat with my own version of the Prick Julep! I got your Bourbon whiskey right here!!!!

Kemba Walker Turns Pro!

UConn Huskies' guard, Kemba Walker, has decided to turn pro, but similar to Butler's Shelvin Mack, he has also yet to hire an agent. The 6'1" All-American led the Huskies to a 32-9 overall record, and their third National Championship in school history, while averaging 23.5 PPG, 5.4 RPG, & 4.5 APG his Junior season in Storrs. Kemba finishes his career at UConn in seventh place on the school's All-Time scoring list with 1,783 points in 111 games. On a side note, Jim Calhoun and Geno Auriemma are getting married in July!!! LOSERS!!!!!

Duke's Kyrie Irving Turning Pro!

Kyrie Irving has decided to leave Duke after just one year, and enter his junk in the 2011 NBA Draft. Kyrie is a talented prick, but he better get with the fuckin program, or else he'll find himself sucking down shrimp at Red Fuckin Lobster until the prawns come home!!! Sionara, Coach K - I'm taking my talents to the NBA! I remember my first O'Doul's!

Thursday Night Hoops Winners!

Alright, folks, the only way I know how to redeem myself for going 0-3 the past three days, is to give you a nice prick sandwich on a rainy Thursday night! I love the Lakers (-2) Vs. the Heat in Miami, and I believe Notre Dame (-2.5) will take care of business against the Bearcats at Madison Square Garden this evening. You can lock it up, and take it to the fuckin bank! My judgement is cloudy when it comes to UConn, but it's clear when it comes to everybody else. The Heat will drop their 6th in a row, and Notre Dame will show you why they are the best team in the Big East. I promise.