Vick Cashes In On $100 Million Deal!

The Philadelphia Eagles have handed Michael "Dr. Doolittle" Vick a whopping 6-Year $100 Million contract, with $40 million guaranteed! Woah! That's a high price!!! Honestly? Legend has it that Vick's shadow once killed a dog! The Eagles have now locked Vick up (no pun intended) through 2016, when he will then be turning 37 years old. Is he an electrifying athlete? Sure he is, but he's also rather injury prone, too.  He took over as the starter last season, throwing for 3,018 yards in 12 games and rushing for an additional 676, as he hasn't played a full NFL season since 2006 with Atlanta! 2006?! I was banging four to five broads at a time back then! I'm not kidding, folks, I was getting sucked off more than a fuckin vacuum! My middle fuckin name was Eureka! Uncle PMAC took an ice-cold shower this morning, because the power at the Cabin is still out, due to that slob of a cunt - Irene! Enough is enough! If I have to smell this fuckin apples and acorns candle any fuckin longer, I'm going to chop my prick off, and sell it at a front-yard lemonade stand! Here, kids, charge a fuckin Hamilton for this, and remember - Uncle PMAC has five fingers, but he only uses three!