Rangers Meet With Cliff Lee Again*

The Rangers traveled to Arkansas yesterday to flirt with Cliff Lee, but the only problem was that the southpaw happened to be on his period this week! Imagine that! You head over to this gal's house, you're trying to court her, and all week you think you're going to plow her, only to show up, and be told that it's that time of the fuckin month!!! Hey, Cliff?!?! Have an Ocean Spray! It's a natural diuretic, pal!!! All this fuckin back and forth would make Aaliyah blush! I like my women the way I like my Hoodsies! Chocolate and vanilla!!! These Winter Meetings are about as exciting as Van Fuckin Helsing!!! How about some fuckin action already!!?? I'm not here to hold fuckin hands! My name is PMAC, not Matt Fuckin Christopher!!! The Yankees? These fuckin losers have now gone to a seventh year for Lee!! Shit! Why not just sign him for fuckin life?!?! You don't break the bank on 32-year old pitchers, who have a history of back problems! It doesn't take a genius to know this! You do the fuckin pre-algebra! I'm busy!